Indianapolis is German for a Whale's Vagina

Apologies to my three loyal readers for having written naaaaaathan lately. It's a combination of writer's block, laziness, and frankly nothing too interesting to discuss.

Thank you, Indianapolis.

Wow is all I have to say, wow. What a bunch of, for lack of a better word, pussies. I can't follow nor agree with their decision to pull starters and hand over their perfect season for billions of reasons.

My gahd, where do I start? Hmmm... we'll start with recent history of getting on a roll before the playoffs.

I already wrote a blog early about getting hot at the end of the year. I believe the blog was titled that the beginning of the season (the first 3 quarters of it) means diiiiiiiiick. You win games to put yourself into position but you NEEEEED to get rolling this time of year to carry it into the playoffs. The 2005 Steelers, the 2006 Colts, the 2007 Giants, the 2008 Cardinals (albeit runners up)... all HOT at the end of the year. The 2005 Colts, the 2006 Bears, the 2007 Patriots, the 2008 Titans... they were all phenomenal three quarters through the season but they didn't play their best ball down the stretch. Let's be honest, when you get into the playoffs you can throw that regular season record out the window. So without even mentioning the 19-0 possibilities let's acknowledge that resting up and getting rusty before the playoffs is duuuuuumb. Right now I'm not even looking at records. The Colts are choosing to become rusty, the Saints are stumbling, as are the Vikings. I'm willing to wager none of these three teams reaches the Super Bowl. Give me the hot team like Dallas, Philadelphia, San Diego, or New England any day.

I will put my stamped seal of approval guarantee that the Colts come out flat in that divisional round playoff game. If that game is versus New England then look out. I don't like the Pats much this year to win it all necessarily but they could absolutely come into Indy and punch them in the throat a few times. The Patriots have one great upset win in them.

If Indy lucks out, and gets Cincy or some lucky #6 seed (outside of Pittsburgh) in the first round, then they'll clunk their way to an ugly 10 point win. Then they'll host San Diego (who the Pats can't beat) and get stomped by 17 points. Something like 41-24.

Now I like San Diego more than Indianapolis anyway in terms of this match up, but additionally just look how these two teams are trending. San Diego has been beating down great teams while the Colts feel that a 4 week bye is the best approach. Let's remember they were sitting people last week against Jacksonville, this week versus the Jets, and then I'm assuming next week against Buffalo. It's just a stupid bass ackwards approach.

The 2005 Colts should be clear enough evidence of how much this doesn't work, but hey, I effin hate the Colts so I'll be happy to see Manning's 7th career first playoff game loss (to Brady's zero).

On to my second point; this "injury risk" bull shit. To Bill Polian, Jim Caldwell, Anorexic Tony Dungy, and any other gay Colts fan... the ONLY ONLY ONLY ONLY injury that could hurt your team is to lose Manning. That's it. There is a caveat however, Peyton Manning has never missed a game in his entire career!!!!!!! He has only been sacked 10 times all year!!!! He wasn't hit once all game!!!!!! Has Peyton Manning ever even seem shooken up from a hit in his career? Maybe like 5+ years ago but definitely not any time recently. You are more likely to have had Rosie O'Donnell interrupt the flow of Sunday's game by streaking across the field at the 2:00 warning causing mass pukeage, than for Manning to have been injured. You just can't make the argument that you were saving Peyton Manning for health reasons... it's a load of shit and if they thought he was at any risk then they are simply stupid. He is at risk at any juncture of the game. Why even start the game then?

Now how can sitting these players and giving this game away possibly be looked back upon as a wise move? If you go on to win the Super Bowl at 18-1 people won't say, "wow, Christ, good thing Caldwell pulled starters in the 3rd quarter vs. the Jets." They will instead say, "great season but man they could have been 19-0."

A team wins the Super Bowl every year and to some degree those teams go down in history, but how often do you talk about the 2002 Bucs? The 1991 Redskins? The 1981 49ers? The 1973 Dolphins? The 1970 Colts?

Answers: Never, never, rarely, sometimes, and never.

How often do we hear about the 1972 Dolphins? I would guess somewhere between 200,000 and 300,000 times per year.

Peyton Manning has won many MVP's. He has won a Super Bowl. He will break every passing record by the time he is done - even if Favre keeps trying to hold him off. Being pulled Sunday though HURT Peyton Manning. This man is no fool he knows that immortality comes with 19-0. He is an all time great no matter what but finishing undefeated would put him in another category.

Here's another point to be made to the gay ass Colts. Your ARCH-RIVAL, other great team of the decade New England Patriots just tried and failed to go 19-0 just two years ago. Why not one up them and stick it to them? Where is the killer instinct? Man so many unanswered questions.

All of this blabbering and I haven't even touched upon how the fans were utterly cheated. Fans in Indianapolis could have been bouncing their grandchildren on their knee 50 years from now talking about the 19-0 Colts. Instead they will talk about how either they won a Super Bowl at 18-1 that should have been 19-0, or that the team was rolling but lost all its momentum once their wuss coach pulled players.

Or how about fans of the Texans, Broncos, Ravens, or Steelers? Gee, thanks for handing the Jets a win on a silver platter.

Hey I won't argue that I hope the Jets make it and are matched up agains the Patriots in round 1!!

The Colts organization has done so many things right in the past 10 years. They were a laughingstock when I was growing up and to imagine them winning more games in a decade than any team ever is amazing. They have drafted well, held onto core players, and built a team with strong leaders who are always in a game. They have a great crowd and home field advantage. I can't help but think though that this letting off the accelerator mentality that comes from Bill Polian, Tony Dungy, and now Jim Caldwell has cost this team one or two more Super Bowls in this decade.

I'd be willing to bet it costs (not helps) them again... let alone a shot at immortality.

The 3 quarter poll

Just a measely four weeks ago I had a midway point blog... Let's see how some of my forecasts did. Italics is from my prior blog. Bold is my thoughts now.

Halfway point of the year... shit is going by wicked fast. Fortunately though we now got Thursday night games basically from here on out (Each of these matchups has fucking sucked. Hey NFL Network pull your weight a li'l more and get us a good game).

As I predicted in my first blog... the Jets are heading towards an 8-8 finish at best. (boo ya!)

Although their record may not indicate it by the end of the year (and probably won't - Actually it will ), Miami is easily the second best team in the AFC East.

The Saints and Colts are undefeated but I don't expect to see either in the Super Bowl... however of those two teams the Saints have a much better chance due to the fact that the NFC isn't as strong... (this could be wishful thinking now with the Colts... the Steelers and Pats are falling apart. San Diego, you're our last hope!)

Brett Favre will fizzle out - let's all calm down. (Could Sunday nights game be the beginning of the end of this Brett Favre honeymoon session? Let's hope!)

Even if Brett Favre doesn't fizzle out he will def throw a crippling INT in the playoffs... it's his M.O. (I'd bet the farm on this happening)

Denver will finish 10-6 or 11-5... their hot start will be enough to get them a wild card berth where they'll be waxed in the first round... San Diego will win that division. (looking good but not exactly a ballsy prediction. SD always starts out slowly)

The Bengals will be the other AFC wild card team... I do think they are for real but Pittsburgh will take the division by a game. (Welllllpppp, swing and a miss! The Steelers rely on Polamalu like the Colts do Manning. No, really....)

The NFC West should be sent on a space ship to the sun... what a brutal division to watch. (Hmmm I'm willing to reel that ship back in... I do like watching Zona and San Fran)

The first team on the outside looking in at the playoffs come year end in the AFC will be the Texans. (Texans shat the bed a lot quicker than I anticipated. Jacksonville is the last team looking in at the end of the year)

The closest team in the NFC will be the Eagles... Is there anyone more Jekyll and Hyde than Donovan McNabb??? (Eff me this is gonna be the Cowboys... we'll read more about them further down, ughhhhh I suck at predicting)

The Patriots will beat either the Colts or Saints but I'm just not sure which one yet... I'd guess the Saints but they won't beat both of them. While we are here, the Patriots will probably finish 12-4 but not earn a bye on account of a shittier conference record which keeps biting them in the balls each year. (Two fat L's!!!! I was off in my predictions too cuz the Pats got their taints obliterated by the Saints but had the Colts on the ropes. The Pats will finish 10-6 but this will get them into the playoffs as the #4 seed)

Here are my predictions which will be wicked wrong:1. Colts 2. Steelers 3. Patriots 4. Chargers 5. Bengals 6. Broncos (Well at least I admitted that I'd suck, which I did. It will be 1. Colts 2. Chargers 3. Bengals 4. Patriots 5. Broncos 6. Dolphins)

AFC Team in Super Bowl: Steelers (Yowzers, I gave them the kiss of death. The Steelers flat out need Polamalu. Bruce Gradkowski won't toss 3 Td's in the 4th vs that long haired beast. The Chargers are Super Bowl bound this year)

1. Saints 2. Cowboys 3. Vikings 4. Cardinals 5. Falcons 6. Giants (This isn't too good either... what was I on??? 1. Saints 2. Vikings 3. Cardinals 4. Eagles 5. Packers 6. Giants)

NFC Team in Super Bowl: Cowboys (Who predicts two teams in the super bowl at the halfway point where neither will make the playoffs??? Eeeesh. Cowboys are heading for their patented December bed-shitting. Wade Phillips and Tony Romo are just a pair of losers. Saints will be playing for the Super Bowl as an 18-0 powerhouse.)

Super Bowl Champion: Steelers (Don't need to re-hash why I suck... Chargers knock off the Saints in a big upset. This goes down as the Brees bowl with his former team against his current one)

Good lorrrrrrrrrrrrrrddddddddd the only thing we know in the NFL is that we don't know much!

Top dynasty of my lifetime

In my opinion there is one dynasty to which modern NFL teams should hold themselves up to as the model of true success. That is the 1980's-1990's San Francisco 49ers. Sure, the 1990's version wasn't really much of a dynasty as far as winning championships but those teams were exceptional year in and year out. Anyone around my age or older knows undoubtedly how nasty those 49ers teams were each year. They were on Fox every Sunday at 4:00 as the national game. Even people a bit younger than me at least caught the tail end of the Young/Rice era.

Here is the 49ers record each year from 1981 to 1998 along with their playoff success.

1981: 13-3, NFC West Champs - Super Bowl Champions
1982: 3-6, Strike shortened pubey season (the only one of this time frame)
1983: 10-6, NFC West Champs - Lost NFC Championship
1984: 15-1, NFC West Champs - Super Bowl Champions
1985: 10-6, Wild Card Loss
1986: 10-5-1, NFC West Champs - Lost Divisional Playoffs
1987: 13-2, NFC West Champs - Lost Divisional Playoffs
1988: 10-6, NFC West Champs - Super Bowl Champions
1989: 14-2, NFC West Champs - Super Bowl Champions
1990: 14-2, NFC West Champs - Lost NFC Championship
1991: 10-6, Missed Playoffs
1992: 14-2, NFC West Champs - Lost NFC Championship
1993: 10-6, NFC West Champs - Lost NFC Championship
1994: 13-3, NFC West Champs - Super Bowl Champions
1995: 11-5, NFC West Champs - Lost Divisional Round
1996: 12-4, Lost Divisional Round
1997: 13-3, NFC West Champs - Lost NFC Championship
1998: 12-4, Lost Divisional Round

Total Record: 207 - 72- 1
Playoff Record: 22-11

NFC West Titles: 13
NFC Championship Appearances: 10
Super Bowl Appearances: 5
Super Bowl Titles: 5

All Pro Seasons: 37
Pro Bowl Player Seasons: 109

That run was pretty damn sick. The main component to that run being so successful was definitely having Joe Montana from 1981 to 1990 and then Steve Young from 1991 to 1998. It'd pretty much be like Brady or Manning being followed by another top 10 all time QB.

The 49ers run was filled with tons of great moments and plays. In 1981 you have The Catch. Up to this point in their existence the 49ers pretty much blew. They however finished 13-3 and were trailing the Cowboys 27-21 in the NFC Championship game. As you can see in that clip the drive was outstanding. Then on the touchdown play you have Montana getting harassed by 14 Cowboys and Clark making a disgusting catch in the back of the end zone on really a broken play (or at least broken off pass route). This play pretty much catapulted them into an unprecedented 18 year run.

The 49ers also completely outlasted their rivals in this time frame. It all started in 1981 with Dallas. Now the Cowboys would come back to be a HUGE (and dominant) rival of the 49ers from 1992 to 1995 but it took the Cowboys 11 years (from 1981 to 1992) to get back on top. It included a 1-15 1989 season and the infamous Herschel Walker trade (idiot Vikings).

The Giants were huge rivals of the 49ers from 1985 through 1990, beating them in the playoffs in 1985, 1986, and 1990. After 1990 though the Giants fell off the map while the 49ers rolled on. At the latter end of their run the Packers were the next thorn in their balls. The Packers beat the 49ers in the playoffs in 1995, 1996, and 1997. If not for The Catch II then it would have been in 1998 as well. Nonetheless from 1981 to 1991 the Packers scurried around and until the Favre days were finally able to be competitive again.

Speaking of The Catch II this was just another notch in the playoff success of an all time franchise. The 49ers announcer makes a great call on this play compared to the catatonic Pat Summerall (althought Madden giggles in delight). Another great call, and one of my favorites, was Steve Young's crazy touchdown run in a 1987 game vs. the Vikings. This run turned out to be a game winner. All announcers should be that fired up.

The whole Steve Young/Joe Montana QB battle from 1987 through 1992 is a *bit* before my recollection, but man, so insane. First off these two guys are first ballot hall of famers and both probably top 10 all time talents. You have to wonder how much better Young's numbers would have been had he got the chance to play full time in 1987 AND 1988 AND 1989 AND 1990!! Could you imagine in today's game having a backup QB of that caliber stand on the sidelines for FOUR years!? It's nuts, there is no way it'd happen! However Young did get a fair amount of action since Joe Montana, and this was his one major downfall, was so injury prone.

A number of teams have won back to back Super Bowls: Green Bay I & II, Miami VII & VIII, Pittsburgh IX & X then XIII & XIV, San Francisco XXIII & XXIV, Dallas XXVII & XXVIII, Denver XXXII & XXXIII, and New England XXXVIII & XXXIX but San Francisco really had a good shot at winning four in a row. There are years when you can say 'well if the cards fell right this team could have won' but with the 49ers I kind of look back at 1987 and 1990 like, damn, those were some HUGE missed opportunities (here's the call "There will be no three-peat)!!!

Before talking about that - quick side tangent - the Cowboys of the 1990's were the other team that did have a chance at three (or four) straight as well but missed out in 1994 by falling to the 49ers in the NFC Championship Game.

In 1987 the 49ers were a league best 13-2. Jerry Rice had busted onto the scene, Roger Craig was establishing himself as a top NFL back, Charles Haley joined the show as a dominant pass rusher, Montana & Ronnie Lott were in their primes, and you had Bill Walsh playing chess while all other coaches played checkers. The 49ers matched up in the Divisional Round against the 8-7 Minnesota Vikings. It really was just one of the bigger bed-shitting/upsets you'll ever see. Vikings receiver Anthony Carter had over 200 yards that game and carried the Vikings with acrobatic catch after acrobatic catch.

In 1990 the 49ers were looking to become the first team to win three straight super bowls after winning it all in 1988 and 1989. They finished a league best 14-2 this year and were just an utter powerhouse. They hosted the Giants in the NFC Championship game clinging to a 13-12 lead with about 3 mins left to play. Trying to run out the clock, Roger Craig was stripped by Lawrence Taylor. The Giants went 30 yards or so on the ensuing drive and Matt Bahr squeaked his 5th field goal in as time expired. Now the 1990 Bills were no gimme but I'm pretty sure that Craig fumble cost them a third title.

All this 49ers talk and we haven't even talked about the FIVE Super Bowl titles. Unless the 49ers opponents were in Bengal Stripes, the game was a complete rout. They beat record setting Marino in Super Bowl XIX 38-16, DESTROYED the Broncos 55-10 in Super Bowl XXIV, and beat down the Chargers 49-26 in Super Bowl XXIX. Thanks in large part to the 49ers (and a few other NFC teams) almost every Super Bowl of the 1980's to mid 1990's totally sucked. I'm not sure if it was inferior opponents or the 49ers were just this good but when people compare the 2001-2007 Patriots teams to these 49ers teams it's so hard to give the nod to the Pats just in that there wasn't this amazing dominance. Yes the 2007 Patriots destroyed people, but we all remember how that ended (just puked in my mouth).

The two Super Bowl titles against the Bengals provided one of the greatest goal line stands in Super Bowl XVI and one of the greatest finishing drives in Super Bowl XXIII.

You can list out Super Bowl stats and records and it's just completely dominated by the 49ers:

Super Bowl Resume: An unblemished 5-0

Super Bowl MVP's: Joe Montana - 3 (all time record)

Super Bowl Touchdown Passes: Joe Montana - 11 (all time record, 0 Int's by the way)

Super Bowl Receptions: Jerry Rice 33 (all time record)

Super Bowl Receiving Yards: Jerry Rice 589 (all time record)

Super Bowl Touchdowns: Jerry Rice 8 (all time record)

Most Points: 55 in Super Bowl XXIV

Biggest Margin of Victory: 45 in Super Bowl XXIV

Single game performances are littered with 49ers too:

TD Passes: Steve Young 6 in XXIX, Joe Montana 5 in XXIV (#1 and #2 all time)

Receiving Yards: Jerry Rice 215 yards (all time record)

Receiving Touchdowns: Jerry Rice 3 in Super Bowl XXIV and XXIX (all time record)

The Colts, Patriots, and I suppose Steelers have all had a pretty nice run in the 2000's. They would all need to keep this going for another 8 to 10 years to match the 49ers run. A lot of it I suppose is the luck of landing a great QB but I would definitely bet against either of these teams matching that success.

All in all it was an insane TWO decades for the 49ers. If you had told the 15 year old me that San Francisco would be a staggering/shitty team from 2003 to the present I never would have believed it. If I picked up the standings any given week of my childhood I would see SF atop the NFC West with the Rams, Saints, and Falcons all but eliminated by week 12. I guess it should make all of us Patriots fans quit being so nitpicky about our team and just ENJOY THE RUN. In 2021 we could be the ones watching the Alex Smith, Shaun Hill, JT O'Sullivan, Ken Dorsey, or Trent Dilfer of the Patriots stink up the joint each week.

Oh and this run by Garrison Hearst vs the Jets in overtime in 1998 was one of the sickest plays, stiff arms, and hustle of down field blockers that I've ever seen. Plus I friggin hated the Jets like no other at this time. I couldn't figure out a way to incorporate this into the blog but here it is anyway.

Mr. Glassman on Spygate

This is written by Glassman... anyone who ever wants a forum to bitch/vent/rant/discuss lemme know and I'm happy to post your stuff... Enjoy!

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The Patriots did NOT cheat.

The term "cheat" was invented by the media backlash that ensued after the Patriots were caught video taping the Jets. Naturally, bitter Patriot haters took the term and ran with it and they haven't stopped running.

Now don't misunderstand me, what the Patriots did was wrong and it violated the rules of the NFL. However, that is not the same thing as cheating.

Using the word "cheating" implies that an unfair advantage was gained. Since it's perfectly legal to steal the other team's signals, the Patriots didn't gain an advantage over any other team. And yes, it is legal to steal the other team's signals and yes EVERY single team in the NFL does it in one way, shape, or form. Of course, I don't expect you to take my word on such a bold claim. Read these articles below if you require further proof.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=sando_mike&id=3017542 http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=chadiha_jeffri&id=3017423

So why were the Patriots docked a 1st round pick and fined so heavily? Well they violated the rules. This rule to be exact:

"Any use by any club at any time, from the start to the finish of any game in which such club is a participant, of any
communications or information-gathering equipment, other than Polaroid-type cameras or field telephones, shall be prohibited, including without limitation videotape machines, telephone tapping, or bugging devices, or any other form of electronic devices that might aid a team during the playing of a game"

Keep in mind the reason they were penalized. They used a video camera at a time when they were not supposed to. They were not fined because they stole signals. As we just proved, stealing signals is considered legal. Taping signals as opposed to writing them down by hand or describing them into a tape recorder are just different means to the same end. The final result is that you get some idea of the what the other team is trying to do defensively. If you and two friends all agree to meet at the mall, you probably go three different ways to get there. The end result is that you still arrived at the mall. Sure, one of the ways was easier (video taping), but the end result is no different. Get it?

Perhaps no greater proof that taping doesn't help you anymore than the conventional way to steal signals is this. From 2001 to 2006 (pre-spygate), the Patriots had the best record in the NFL. From 2007 to midway through the 2009 season (post-spygate), guess who has the best record in the NFL? I'll give you just one guess. Yep. The Patriots. If the video tapes were truly the difference, shouldn't the Patriots suddenly turn into losers overnight? But they didn't. Ironically, the Patriots win% is higher post-spygate then pre-spygate ulitmately burying any thought that taping might have played a part in their victories. Go to pro-football-reference.com and do the math if you don't believe me.

What about the tape of the Rams walkthrough and Matt Walsh?

The tape of the Rams walkthrough N-E-V-E-R happened. I cannot stress this enough. Matt Walsh absolutely hated the Patriots and wanted to get back at them. However, he lied about having the tape. NO such tape was ever found because it never existed. There is another very good article that goes into details as to why this whole rumor is ridiculous. You can read it here if you need further proof regarding this matter:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=mortensen_chris&id=3398849

No doubt that what the Patriots did was wrong but, seriously, they payed the price. Enough already. There will be no *asterisks* next to their titles and Belichick will find himself in the hall of fame someday. The sad fact is that most non-patriot fans are insanely jealous of the Patriots success and would do or say anything to bring them down. You have to understand that. Be honest, would anyone even care if the Lions had taped signals?

Do you need more? Yep, sometimes I like to beat a dead horse.

Here are some more tidbits on past dynasties. What a surprise, the Patriots aren't the only dynasty to break the rules:

1) The 3-11 Dolphins were charged with tampering with another team's coach in the hiring of Don Shula in 1970. As we all know the Dolphins went on to win 2 Superbowls and have a perfect season. The Dolphins were charged a 1st rounder for that one.

2) The 1995 49ers paid players under the table to beat the salary cap and avoid losing them to free agency. They were fined $900,000 and lost 2 draft picks.

3) The 1998 Broncos did the same thing. Fined $950,000 and a 1st rounder.

4) It's widely known that the 1970's Steelers were the first team to use steroids. They didn't receive any fines or penalties but should a * be next to all 4 of their titles?

Personally, I don't give a crap about any of this stuff. All of these teams still worked hard and earned their championships. You have to give respect where respect is due. However, how do you justify calling the Patriots cheaters without also calling these franchises cheaters too? You can't.

As for the whole spygate thing, it lives on for one reason. If the rest of the league can't stop the Patriots on the field, at least they can yell ignorant comments like "cheaters!". Maybe it helps them sleep better at night.

Nipped in the balls again....

Man that Pats-Colts game was the 2006 AFC Championship game all over again. Now I'm not going to take the approach that going for it on 4th down was the reason for this loss. You can go ahead and read some dingleberry douchy writer like Pete Prisco or Ron Borges for that. Admittedly I thought at first that it was really dumb but I'm going to defend that decision cuz there were about 45 other things that I feel are more to blame.

Plus, the Colts with a timeout and 2:00 mins were probably going to march up the field and score anyways. I do believe that.

First off, how many coaches do you see punt the ball on 4th and 6 at the opponents 38 down 7 in the 4th quarter like the following will actually happen:

1. The punt won't go into the end zone.
2. The defense will stop them.
3. When you do get the ball back you will have this good of a chance and enough time to go get a TD.

Look at Andy Reid last week kicking a MEANINGLESS field goal against the Cowboys then never getting the ball back. If I have a coach, I want one with some balls. I'm still not completely sold per say but I'll go into the fox hole with someone like BB over Andy Reid any day.

Here are some of the stupid things though:

1. Wasting timeouts. This always kills me, why do teams take a 2nd half timeout over a 5 yard delay of game penalty? Dude what's 5 yards in the 3rd quarter opposed to an EFFING TIME OUT!??? Then they call 2 timeouts during that last drive. It was sloppy. Coaches should have a plan in mind and definitely need to hold onto timeouts. I'm not sure that the Faulk catch would have been overturned but it was worth challenging. BB fucked this up big time. The ref who made the call saw Faulk's back and therefore couldn't accurately see where he caught the ball, but due to dickless idiocy we'll never know.

2. If BB knows damn well in his mind that this if 4 down territory then why not run on 3rd and 2? Here you force the Colts to use a timeout and you probably at worst have no gain. If the Colts *don't* use a timeout then you run the Faulk play and the booth is able to review since you are under 2 mins.

3. Ok so you went for it and bleeped up. On the 2nd play of the ensuing drive, Joseph Addai ran right through the middle and it seemed most Patriots were ok just letting him score. However Brandon Merriweather STUPIDLY tackled him at the 4. This is the only play that made me yell out loud. I yelled "aww let him score!!!!" The Patriots would have had 1:15 left down by 1 with no timeouts. I will take my chances!!!! Now you may say that Addai coulda pulled a Pocket Hercules and kneeled at the 1, but let's remember... the Jags were down 1. It would have been BALLSY to knee at the 1 still needing a TD. Merriweather... DUMB!!!!!!

4. You have a play you like, great. You completed the pass, awesome. But for the love of Christ run the friggen route longer!!! Why do you call a play that close to the sticks?? If you need 2 yards then Faulk needs to run his out to the 31 yard line. Then if he bobbles, that dildo ref can spot him at the 30.5 instead of the 31.

I also want to know what is changing with the Colts magically turning it on and the Patriots D completely crumbling time after time in the last 4 mins? Is it really just fatigue??? These are professional athletes. Are they softening up? Are they playing prevent? This is what kills me the most. You KNOW that the Colts are dangerous and that Manning can zip up the field. Keep doing what you are doing. This is one of the reasons you can defend BB. I would bet a lot of money that Manning takes the Colts 70 yards for a TD anyway. That D had 11 guys with forks sticking out of their backs.

This game felt just like that Bills-Pats game on the opening Monday night. I thought to myself, if Indy can score before the 2 minute warning without using timeouts they have a very good chance. Then you just need a 3 and out to give yourself a chance.

I hear some Pats fans saying, 'Hey don't worry we'll beat the Colts if we play in the playoffs.' Do you really believe that though? You think that Manning & co. won't put up 30 some odd points again? I don't feel very confident. Sure the Pats played 56 solid minutes but I'm not sure I trust the D to play that well through 56 minutes again. I still believe Indy will vag out in the playoffs as that is what they always do and will continue to do. I just think it will be at the hands of the Steelers or Chargers and not the Patriots.

Also do we already forget that BB went for a 4th and 1 at his own 25 versus the Falcons? We just like to say "he's the tits" when it works and "he's a douche" when it doesn't. It's not exactly hard to do AFTER you know the conclusion.

So I can applaud BB for having a sack, however, he effed this up by pissing away timeouts, running two passes in a row when he knew he was gonna go for it on 4th down, not telling his players to allow a score in that kind of situation, and running the 4th down play a yard shy for Faulk.

But if you don't feel the same then go read the articles by those turds Borges & Prisco.

Halfway point....

Halfway point of the year... shit is going by wicked fast. Fortunately though we now got Thursday night games basically from here on out (thank gahd). Here are some random thoughts through 9 weeks of the NFL season...

As I predicted in my first blog... the Jets are heading towards an 8-8 finish at best.

Although their record may not indicate it by the end of the year (and probably won't), Miami is easily the second best team in the AFC East.

The Saints and Colts are undefeated but I don't expect to see either in the Super Bowl... however of those two teams the Saints have a much better chance due to the fact that the NFC isn't as strong...

Brett Favre will fizzle out - let's all calm down.

Even if Brett Favre doesn't fizzle out he will def throw a crippling INT in the playoffs... it's his M.O.

So much for the 49ers being back... now they suck again. Although Vernon Davis is a beast.

Denver will finish 10-6 or 11-5... their hot start will be enough to get them a wild card berth where they'll be waxed in the first round... San Diego will win that division.

The Bengals will be the other AFC wild card team... I do think they are for real but Pittsburgh will take the division by a game.

The NFC West should be sent on a space ship to the sun... what a brutal division to watch.

Aaron Rodgers has had a raw deal... First he sits behind that pube Brett Favre for 3 years... Then he finally gets the job but Favre wants to come back... the Packers clearly make the right decision but you still gotta listen to morons like Skip Bayless talk about how Green Bay would be 15-1 with Favre playing... Then Rodgers himself plays really well but the Packers have probably the shittiest offensive line in the league so their record has been very poor.... Now with regard to Skip Bayless, he is obviously just a giant turd but doesn't he realize that the Green Bay Packers will still be here in 4 years? 6 years? 9 years??? Doesn't he realize that Favre won't? Doesn't he realize that Rodgers probably will? Doesn't he realize that Rodgers is good? Doesn't he realize that every team that DOESN'T have a good QB (such as Cleveland, Detroit, St Louis) totally blows??? Why does that douche continue to argue this ridiculous point???? Man I hate him.

The Seahawks and the Bills have unquestionably the most attrocious uniforms... Did Stevie Wonder come up with those designs??? Good loooooooord!!!! That green uniform worn by Seattle was unquestionably the worst thing ever worn at a professional sports level. I am willing to give the 1970's MLB a pass on this since everyone dressed like douches back then.

The first team on the outside looking in at the playoffs come year end in the AFC will be the Texans. The closest team in the NFC will be the Eagles... Is there anyone more Jekyll and Hyde than Donovan McNabb???

People need to stop calling Matt Schaub "Matt Schwab." There is no W. People need to stop pronouncing Adalius Thomas (pronounced correctly as A-dale-us) as "A-dale-eee-us." While we are at it, it's Mark Teixeira (pronounced correctly as Teh-sheir-uh) not "Tex-er-uh." Honestly are these people just stupid or are they ignorant to the correct way to say things???

The Patriots will beat either the Colts or Saints but I'm just not sure which one yet... I'd guess the Saints but they won't beat both of them. While we are here, the Patriots will probably finish 12-4 but not earn a bye on account of a shittier conference record which keeps biting them in the balls each year.

If my math is correct the Patriots have a record of 763-2 against NFC teams in the BB era. Sadly these wins mean jack shit in playoff seeding tie-breakers.

The governator approved a bill to begin building a new stadium in LA... there are seven teams immediately rumored to be in the mix to move to LA: Raiders, Rams, Jaguars, Vikings, Bills, Chargers, 49ers

A team *IS* going, I don't think there is any doubt... my prediction is the Raiders with the dark horse being the Jaguars... if the 49ers, Bills, or Vikings moved that'd be a travesty

Dallas Clark will continue to molest the Patriots... among most other teams..

Here are my predictions which will be wicked wrong:

1. Colts 2. Steelers 3. Patriots 4. Chargers 5. Bengals 6. Broncos

AFC Team in Super Bowl: Steelers

1. Saints 2. Cowboys 3. Vikings 4. Cardinals 5. Falcons 6. Giants

NFC Team in Super Bowl: Cowboys

Super Bowl Champion: Steelers

Reasoning.... in the AFC defense will win and I trust that Steelers D... they seem to have made themselves into a similar version of the 2001 to 2004 Pats... they have an efficient offense that can pass and put up points... their QB scares the bijesus out of you come the end of the game... the defense blasts everyone and I don't think anything will phase them come playoff time

In the NFC I think we can safely say that each year it's a total and complete crap shoot. I would rather have a leg amputated that stand by Favre and picking the Saints is too trendy, I don't see a team going wire to wire.... so Cowboys it is... this would be the 4th meeting between these two teams in a Super Bowl

Eff the Yankees

Getting into an argument with a Yankees fan... Pretty fun, huh? I can already tell you where the argument will go before it starts. They make sure to mention 26 championships and 'oh how did it feel to go 86 years without winning one.'

Now honestly, if i was fucking 341 years old maybe this would offend me. When I'm visibly in my mid 20's, couldn't possibly have started watching games, and definitely had no idea what was going on until I was about 6 years old, then guess what ass bag, I "suffered" for about 15 years.

And yes I'm sure those 26 championships you were able to witness in your 24 years of living were pretty sweet. Save history for the history teachers, christ. Germany also use to be a world power... Thing change... asshole.

If you can talk like a sensible human being (which admittedly many Red Sox fans cannot do) then if you and I are 26 years old here's how it rolls:

World Series Championships in our lifetime: Yankees - 4 ... Red Sox - 2
Longest droughts we actually had to put up with (provided we started watching this shit at 6 years old): Yankees - 9 (and counting from 2000 - present) Red Sox - 15 (1989 - 2004)

Devastating losses:
- Yankees 2001 Game 7 when Mariona Rivera blew a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 9th. Yankees 2004 when a certain team made an unprecedented 3-0 comeback.

- Red Sox 2003 Game 7 where Grady Little left Pedro out to dry and the Yankees came back to win the game and series.

How does that warrant a 20 some odd year old Yankee fan to be a complete prick?

Here is how many championships the Yankees have won each decade:

2000's - 1
1990's - 3
1980's - 0
1970's - 2
1960's - 2
1950's - 6
1940's - 4
1930's - 5
1920's - 3

From 1923 to 1962 the Yankees won 20 World Series championships. That's 20 in 40 years. Shit-fuck that is amazing. If some old wrinkly-ass old guy wants to talk some shit I would remind him I'm 26 years old, but, ok pal, you can talk shit, that's impressive. From 1963 to 1995 the Yankees won 2 world series titles. If a middle aged guy wants to talk shit to me he can eff himself. With sports, atleast for me, you gotta LIVE through these years to really be able to boast about them.

I appreciate history, hell the Celtics won 8 titles in a row from 1959 to 1966. They won 11 of 13 titles. They won every year in the 1960's except for 1967. So would I go and stuff this up the ass of every Spurs fan??? Of course not, what the hell do I know about Cousy and Russell???

I especially wouldn't do this as the Celtics stunk it up in the 1990's for much of the decade.

Why can't Yankees fans acknowledge the fact that for the past 10 years (and foreseeable future) this is a dead even rivalry? I guess everyone just likes to boast I'm better than you. I say take your argument and shove it up your ass.

Crazy Passing in 2009

If you look at a players stats on ESPN they have a line that shows projected totals for the end of the year. I've never in my life seen a year where the entire league has had passing numbers like these. Check out what these QB's are all on pace to do:


Peyton Manning - 5,013 yards - 40 TD's - 11 Int's
Philip Rivers - 4,741 yards - 27 TD's - 8 Int's
Matt Schaub - 4,741 yards - 37 TD's - 11 Int's
Ben Roethlisberger - 4,713 yards - 25 TD's - 14 Int's
Tom Brady - 4,645 yards - 34 TD's - 9 Int's
Aaron Rodgers - 4,539 yards - 29 TD's - 5 Int's
Drew Brees - 4,528 yards - 37 TD's - 13 Int's
Joe Flacco - 4,464 yards - 29 TD's - 13 Int's
Kurt Warner - 4,459 yards - 24 TD's - 16 Int's
Tomy Romo - 4,405 yards - 24 TD's - 11 Int's
Kyle Orton - 3,907 yards - 24 TD's - 3 Int's
Brett Favre - 3,842 yards - 27 TD's - 7 Int's
Eli Manning - 3, 733 yards - 27 TD's - 14 Int's
Carson Palmer - 3,675 - 30 TD's - 16 Int's
Matt Ryan - 3,627 yards - 29 TD's - 16 Int's

That's just stupid. Ten QB's on pace to throw for 4,000 yards??? And look who's on this list of QB's with crazy numbers... I mean, yes we see this most years out of Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Tom Brady, Kurt Warner and Brett Favre, but look at Schaub's numbers... Christ look at Roethliberger, so much for the running tough Pittsburgh Steelers. Kyle Orton had nothing more than a fantastic porn stache with the Bears and now he's playing like Joe Montana.

Here are some of these QB's career highlights prior to 2009:

Matt Schaub - 3,043 yards - 15 TD's in 2008
Ben Roethlisberger - Yards each Season: 2,621.. 2,385.. 3,513.. 3,154.. 3,301..... TD's: 17, 17, 18, 32, 17
Joe Flacco - 2,971 yards - 14 TD's in 2008
Kyle Orton - 2,972 yards - 18 TD's in 2008

At this pace the top 10 QB's in yardage would make up 10 of the 35 best seasons of all time. No other season has more than 2 players from the same year on the list.

Tony Romo who would finish 10th this year would have finished first in the following years (starting in 1966): 1966 through 1979, 1982, 1985, 1987, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1996, 1997, 1998, 2003, 2005.

So what the hell is happening???

I think first off that offenses are going more to the shotgun, 4 or 5 wide, spread em out type of thing. The game has evolved both in players and coaching styles to just want to line up and chuck the rock around. As a fan all I can say is 'fucking right!' It's only about 10 times more exciting than 3 yard runs. Don't get me wrong I love to watch a great back like AP but I'll take Brady dropping back 40 times over Macaroney dancing at the line of scrimmage any day.

Here are your number of 4,000 yard passers since 1990:

1990: 1
1991: 1
1992: 1
1993: 2
1994: 3
1995: 4
1996: 3
1997: 0
1998: 2
1999: 5
2000: 3
2001: 2
2002: 4
2003: 2
2004: 5
2005: 2
2006: 5
2007: 7 * current record
2008: 6

Most of these guys more than likely won't keep this pace up since we will have injuries, shittier weather, and defenses that seem to figure out tendencies as the year rolls on but where would you put the over/under on QB's over 4,000 yards??? I'll say 7.5 and I'd probably take the over.

Hockey chatter...

Due to popular demand (from my 3 or 4 Bruins fans friends) we will have monthly, if not more frequently, hockey chatter. Admittedly I'm no expert on that matter so I won't be tossing much more than my vague, most likely incorrect, opinions....

Should be a new football blog soon too, been busy, stay tuned.

Overtime Problems???

Hughesy suggested that I discuss the NFL Overtime rules. It's definitely a popular subject since this scenario can be totally gay:

- Teams are tied. Teams go to overtime. Team A wins the coin toss. Team A drives 40 yards. Team A boots a 45 yard field goal. Team B never sees the ball.

The NFL has one of four choices for how overtime could work:

1. Keep the rules as they currently stand. Overtime is sudden death. The first team to score wins and if no one scores at the end of the 15 minute quarter then the game is a tie.

2. Use the rules implemented by the new UFL. Each team gets 1 possession. If the game is still tied after both teams get a possession then it is sudden death from that point forward. If no one scores at the end of the 15 minute quarter then the game is a tie.

3. A full 15 minute overtime is played. Whoever is leading at the end wins the game. If it is still tied then the game is over with the game declared a tie.

4. Adopt college rule overtime where each team starts at the opponents 25 yard line. They get alternating possessions until one team is leading at the end of a full overtime. There are no ties.

I've done some research and a lot of thinking. I think there is one clear cut winner.

*My winner is #1 . The NFL should keep the current overtime rules*

Allow me to explain why options #2, #3, and #4 just wouldn't work.

#2. On paper this does sound like the most logical choice. Each team is guaranteed one possession. Should the game still happen to be tied then it is sudden death from this point forward. Here's why I don't like it...

The third possession still goes to the team who won the toss. No matter what someone *will* have the first chance to win once it is sudden death.

I think this method will lead to a shit load of ties. Let's say the Pats and Colts go to OT. Tom Brady takes the Patriots on a seven minute touchdown scoring drive. Not to be outdone Peyton Manning takes the Colts on a six minute touchdown scoring drive. Suddenly there are two minutes left in overtime and the Colts are kicking off to the Patriots. At this point for them they are either going to tie or lose the game. They aren't going to kick an onside kick. Would they go for two on their prior TD? I would think that under these overtime rules you would go from a tie every three or four years to two or three ties every year.... and that's just gay. Who wants ties?

What would happen if there was a safety? Would the game be over? It would have to be, right? Would they still kick off hoping for a turnover? If there was a turnover then that would mean the kicking team now has their 2nd possession so a safety would end it.

A defensive touchdown would end it too. Imagine if the Patriots and Colts were tied at 17 going into OT. The Patriots score going up 24-17. Then on the Colts possession Leigh Bodden picks off a pass and takes it to the house. Would the final box score say Pats 30 Colts 17 OT??? I think my head would explode. Winning by 13 in OT? Would the game just end as soon as the interception happened since the Colts possession will have ended???

I don't like any of these scenarios they are just stupid and confusing. Why draw this out because our feelings are hurt that we lost a coin toss and can't stop the other team?

#3. This is a poor analogy but I'll use it nonetheless. One of the three or four times in my life I actually watched a soccer game was the MLS finals a few years ago when the New England Revolution went to overtime against the Houston Dynamo. In this extra session Taylor Twellman scored a goal and I celebrated (as much as I genuinely could) since I figured they just won the title. Nope. They play a full 10 or 15 minutes. Wicked lame. First off this match was 0-0 through the 13,650 minute game. Why in God's name would soccer not be sudden death??? Needless to say Houston scored 1 minute later, they went to penalty kicks, and the Revs lost these 4-3.

Long story short is that OT loses everything if it isn't sudden death. Sudden death overtime leaves us on the edge of our seats because at any moment the game could end. As a fan what more could you ask for? Scenario #2 cuts into the sudden death factor to a degree while #3 wipes it out altogether.

I also think that players would hate this choice the most. Football players get the hell beat out of them and to ask them to play another 15 minutes isn't something they want to do. You may say: 'But Joe, hockey players play 80 some odd games plus grueling round after round of the playoffs, can't football players suck it up for 15 additional minutes?' My response is that hockey players are of a different species. These guys are just wired different than any other athlete. Did everyone hear about all the injuries the Bruins played with last postseason? Insane!!! Ok I'm rambling and getting off topic. Bottom line - Scenario #3 is the worst one... so far....

#4. A lot of people like the college rules overtime and admittedly it is exciting and has its pluses. I don't know if its me though but it just seems amateur. Could you really see a playoff game or a Super Bowl coming down to teams trading possessions from the 25?? To me that's less climactic. Watching a game.... touchdown Patriots but you can't really celebrate too much because Peyton Manning and the Colts start from the 25. I instead like to do back flips since the game should be over. I like sudden death.

Here's another big thing too, and is why, in my opinion, this can work in college but not in the pros. Stats. If you introduce college rule overtime you are going to start breaking records for points scored, touchdowns scored, touchdowns thrown, etc. It may sound gay but I think records mean something in the NFL. Most big NFL fans know records too right off the top of their head. They may not know the number per say like baseball but they know who holds the record. Passing TD's - Brady... Passing Yards - Marino... Rushing Yards - Eric Dickerson... TD's - LT... Receiving Yards - Jerry Rice... Receiving TD's - Randy Moss. All time scoring team - 2007 Patriots.

Wouldn't it just be gay as hell to see a QB with 8 TD's in 1 game but 4 came in OT? That's dumb.

Quick... can anyone name the college record for anything above? Uhhhh Passing - Ty Detmer? Steve McNair? Peyton Manning??? Rushing - Ricky Williams? Ron Dayne? Herschel Walker?? Receiving - Randy Moss? Michael Crabtree?? Christ I have no idea and I probably didn't even list the people who have those records. Points are nothing special in college either since the first three games of Florida's season are typically against Shlongville University, Florida A&M Tech, and Wheaton College. So you know what? Shit, this style of OT works here.

HOWEVER, in the big boy league, where they don't have computers determine national champions, where they don't have recruiting advantages, where they don't play cupcake teams, this style of overtime just doesn't really fit in.

I went onto ESPN.com and looked through all the over time games from the past 4+ years. I marked how many possessions it took to win the game. I marked asterisks (******) next to any game that ended on the 1st possession:

2005:
Week 3 Jacksonville 26 NYJ 20 - 5th Possession
Week 4 Washington 20 Seattle 17 - 1st Possession******
Week 6 Dallas 16 NYG 13 - 2nd Possession
Week 6 Jacksonville 23 Pittsburgh 17 - 4th Possession
Week 8 Chicago 19 Detroit 13 - 3rd Possession
Week 11 Baltimore 16 Pittsburgh 13 - 4th Possession
Week 12 Denver 24 Dallas 21 - 1st Possession******
Week 12 San Diego 23 Washington 17 - 1st Possession******
Week 12 St Louis 33 Houston 27 - 1st Possession******
Week 12 Seattle 24 NYG 21 - 5th Possession
Week 14 NYG 26 Philadelphia 23 - 4th Possession
Week 14 Green Bay 16 Detroit 13 - 1st Possession******
Week 16 Tampa Bay 27 Atlanta - 6th Possession
Week 17 San Francisco 20 Houston 17 - 5th Possession

2005 = 14 Overtimes and 5 ended on the 1st possession

2006:
Week 2 Minnesota 16 Carolina 13 - 2nd Possession
Week 2 NYG 30 Philadelphia 24 - 3rd Possession
Week 2 Denver 9 Kansas City 6 - 1st Possession******
Week 4 Washington 36 Jacksonville 30 - 1st Possession******
Week 7 Atlanta 41 Pittsburgh 38 - 1st Possession******
Week 13 Cleveland 31 Kansas City 28 - 2nd Possession
Week 14 Tennessee 26 Houston 20 - 1st Possession******
Week 15 Chicago 34 Tampa Bay 31 - 6th Possession
Week 16 St Louis 37 Washington 31 - 3rd Possession
Week 17 Pittsburgh 23 Cincinnati 17 - 1st Possession
Week 17 San Francisco 26 Denver 23 - 4th Possession
Divisional Playoff Round: Chicago 27 Seattle 24 - 2nd Possession

2006 = 12 Overtimes and 5 ended on the 1st possession

2007:
Week 1 Washington 16 Miami 13 - 1st Possession******
Week 2 Detroit 20 Minnesota 17 - 2nd Possession
Week 2 Denver 23 Oakland 20 - 3rd Possession
Week 8 Green Bay 19 Denver 13 - 1st Possession******
Week 9 Washington 23 NYJ 20 - 2nd Possession
Week 9 Cleveland 33 Seattle 30 - 2nd Possession
Week 11 Cleveland 33 Baltimore 30 - 1st Possession******
Week 11 NYJ 19 Pittsburgh 16 - 3rd Possession
Week 12 San Francisco 37 Arizona 31 - 6th Possession
Week 12 Chicago 37 Denver 34 - 1st Possession******
Week 14 San Diego 23 Tennessee 17 - 3rd Possession
Week 15 Miami 22 Baltimore 16 - 2nd Possession
Week 16 Arizona 30 Atlanta 27 - 1st Possession******
Week 17 NYJ 13 Kansas City 10 - 1st Possession******
Week 17 Denver 22 Minnesota 19 - 2nd Possession
NFC Championship Game: NYG 23 Green Bay 20 - 2nd Possession

2007 = 16 Overtimes and 6 ended on the 1st possession

2008:
Week 2 San Francisco 33 Seattle 30 - 1st Possession******
Week 3 Tampa Bay 27 Chicago 24 - 3rd Possession
Week 3 NY Giants 26 Cincy 23 - 3rd Possession
Week 4 Jacksonville 30 Houston 27 - 1st Possession******
Week 4 Pittsburgh 23 Baltimore 20 - 3rd Possession
Week 6 Arizona 30 Dallas 24 - 2nd Possession
Week 7 Oakland 16 NYJ 13 - 6th Possession
Week 9 Tennessee 19 Green Bay 16 - 1st Possession******
Week 9 Tampa Bay 30 Kansas City 27 - 1st Possession******
Week 11 NYJ 34 New England 31 - 1st Possession******
Week 11 Cincinnati 13 Philadelphia 13 TIE GAME
Week 15 Chicago 27 New Orleans 24 - 1st Possession******
Week 15 Atlanta 13 Tampa Bay 10 - 2nd Possession
Week 16 NYG 34 Carolina 28 - 3rd Possession
Week 16 Chicago 20 Green Bay 17 - 1st Possession******
Wild Card Playoffs: San Diego 23 Indianapolis 17 - 1st Possession******

2008 = 13 Overtimes and 7 ended on the 1st Possession

2009:
Week 1 Pitt 13 Tenn 10 - 1st Possession******
Week 4 Cincy 23 Cleveland 20 - 7th Possession
Week 5 Dallas 26 Kansas City 20 - 4th Possession
Week 5 Denver 20 New England 17 - 1st Possession******
Week 6 Jacksonville 23 St Louis 20 - 1st Possession******
Week 6 Buffalo 16 NY Jets 13 - 6th Possession

2009 = 6 Overtimes and 3 ended on the 1st Possession (thus far)

Overall in the last 4+ years there have been 61 Overtimes and 26 ended on the 1st possession. When a game goes to overtime 42.62% of the time a team wins the coin toss, marches down and scores in some respect. I just don't feel this is a big problem. Sure it sucks when it happens (2008 Pats vs. Jets or 2009 Pats vs. Broncos) but MOST of the time this isn't happening.

Of the past 15 OT's 9 have ended on the 1st possession so that could be fresh on everyone's mind. However you could also flip a coin 20 times and get heads 16 times. These type of streaks will happen.

If you make a punnit square (remember our fun biology days?) you have 4 different scenarios.

Scenario 1: Team A wins coin toss, Team A scores
Scenario 2: Team A wins coin toss, Team A is forced to punt
Scenario 3: Team A loses coin toss, Team B scores
Scenario 4: Team A loses coin toss, Team B is forced to punt

When you toss a coin this is a 50/50 thing. It couldn't possibly be more fair.

If you want to win in the NFL, and win consistently, then you will need to get contributions from all three units - Offense, Defense, Special Teams. Why the hell is overtime any different? So you lost the toss, huh? Well fuckin' stop them!

I'll admit the system isn't perfect, but what is perfect? Seeing the Patriots lose to the Jets and Broncos on the 1st possession sucked but let's be honest. The Jets converted a 3rd and like 16 on that drive. They marched down the field, they deserved the win. The Broncos picked apart the Patriots and deserved to win.

I enjoy the fact that the NFL has only had 4 ties since 1990. Let's keep it this way! Give me sudden death any day.

QB's Part 2....

Alrighty, well I'm going to respond to each of the QB articles everyone wrote. Thanks again to each of you guys, you did an awesome job. I'll preface this by saying, like most New Englanders, I want to be on Tom Brady. I love the man as much as any heterosexual possibly could. He's a huge part of, really, the changing of the sports culture here in New England. Nonetheless I am going to take my Patriots blinders off and look at each of these objectively. I agree with some of your points, I disagree with others, and there are some here that are just made outta sheer hate.

In some cases this was obviously intentional and very funny - Dan talking about Brady's pregame headbutts for instance. There were others made that the writer tries to justify but that's where I come in to boot them in the ass.

I like how Trent Dilfer is a common theme in all of these. People comparing Eli, Big Ben, and Brady to Trent Dilfer. COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, Trent Dilfer won a super bowl on the coat tails of an all time defense. Yes, he was a game manager and asked to not eff things up but the three aforementioned QB's are leaps, bounds, miles, back flips, and any other general jumping motion ahead of Trent Dilfer. It's really a poor argument and seems to be the "go-to" material when anyone thinks a QB is undeserving of any credit. These guys are NOT the 2000 Baltimore Ravens Trent Dilfer and I'll explain more as I go on.

I like how Mike Vick found his way onto three of these articles too, funny stuff.

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First off Peyton Manning... Glassman, Glassman, Glassman, Glassman.... (sigh) Glassman.

Peyton Manning is a great quarterback. Come on. Since 2003 he's either been 1a or 1b in the NFL and the level he plays at compared to just about any other QB isn't even close.

Although I agree with much of your playoff conclusions you come off sounding like a Patriots homer yelling at someone at a bar as to why Brady is better. The approach I would take here - like in most debates - would be to first build Manning up, which is more credible and ultimately drives home his playoff chokenicity more. To just call him "good".... it would make your average reader stop right then and there because we all know damn well he's better than good.

Let's face it, Peyton Manning could very well be the BEST regular season QB ever. Every season he throws for 4,000 yards, he throws 25-35 TD's, has only 10 interceptions, and goes 12-4 or better. Peyton scares the bijesus out of you in late 4th quarters and I believe he has more control of his offense than any other QB has ever had.

Most Patriot fans will scoff any time these regular season numbers are brought up (since they trump Brady's) but we are quick to jam playoff numbers down everyone's throats (since they favor Brady). Can you really have it both ways? I don't think you can. If you are going to trash his playoff numbers you have to applaud the regular season. Peyton Manning is a great QB and - shit I'll say it - probably the best regular season QB I've ever seen when all things are factored.

This season he's throwing to some dude named Garcon and another named Collie. He has a rookie RB in Donald Brown as well & he's off to the best start of his career. Tom Brady had 1 year with no receivers: 2006. Other than that though, David Givens, David Patten, Deion Branch, Troy Brown, etc - shit man - they did the job. They were great receivers for that system. It's their own damn fault that Givens & Branch went for the money and to places they didn't fit in. I don't feel sorry for Brady having these receiving corps (2006 aside). Eff the pro bowl - shit's political anyway - ESPECIALLY at the skill positions.

However, Manning's lack of playoff success is unquestionably something I would attack. For someone who wins 12+ games every year, who has won 3 MVP's (and counting), who is an all-time great player, you HAVE to give me more in the playoffs! Manning has had waaaaay too many first round inexcusable losses. In 2005 they were 13-0 and were the best team all season long. To lose to the Steelers - #6 seed - at home in the first round, awful. Simply awful. The 2007 loss to San Diego, however, is so brutal. It has to be his worst. They lost, at home, to San Diego who lost their starting QB Phil Rivers to a partially torn ACL, their staring RB LT to a sprained vag, and their all pro TE Antonio Gates to a dislocated big toe. Essentially Billy Volek came in to win this game. Sure, Peyton Manning doesn't play defense but he threw an interception at the 1 yard line and didn't close out drives that could have won it. He needs to smell blood and attack. He needs to finish off a team that is flailing around. That's what all time great QB's do. I hate the Chargers but they showed more balls than the Colts & Manning ever have on that day. In 2008 the Colts won their final nine games. They were screaaaaaming into the playoffs. The Colts played the 8-8 Chargers and lost AGAIN.

Seriously... 2006 is the exception. Whereas 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007, and 2008 are the rule. Peyton Manning plays tighter in the playoffs. He and Tony Dungy's respective butt holes would clench up and it seems they play not to lose. If you are an all time great QB you raise your game to the next level. If you don't, then you're going to face the music, and justifiably so.

As for the Dan Marino comparisons - the fact is we only talk about Marino and Manning because they are SO GOOD. We don't talk about middle of the road QB's who never won anything. The comparison is definitely a solid one. I will say though that I didn't get to follow Marino's career like I did Manning's. The Miami Dolphin teams I saw from 1990 or so until 1999 didn't hold a candle to the Colts teams (from top to bottom). It does seem that Marino's best years in the mid 1980's were wasted, however, it was a time where the NFC was just sooooooo dominant over the AFC so I don't think much would have changed had Miami advanced to a few more super bowls. He'd be 0 for whatever. BUT - 1 appearance Marino? 1!!?? Well I guess it's 2 if you count Ace Ventura...

For Patriots fans & Manning haters - Peyton Manning has 1 super bowl. Tom Brady has 3. The debate as to who is better is very valid. Imagine if Peyton Manning had 3 super bowls and Tom Brady 1. There wouldn't *BE* a debate. That means something, doesn't it?

For Colts fans & Manning lovers - The playoff criticism is sharp and deserved. To quote the great Herm Edwards, "You play to win the game! Hello??!! You play... to win... THE GAME!!!" Don't give me any bull shit that he ran into better teams. With the success the Indianapolis Colts have had this decade, to only win 1 Super Bowl, to only really be in the running for 1 other (2003), and to have SIX first round losses is just pathetic and inexcusable.

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Eli Manning.... I agree more with what you wrote on Eli than Peyton. I will give Eli the benefit that the jury is still somewhat out on him. Since late 2007 he does seem to have raised his game into the good to very good level.

Being a Manning is also a double edged sword. Sure you have the gay little family thing but Eli's also someone who has probably been told every day that he can't hold his older brother's jock. That can't be easy to deal with.

Prior to that 2007 run, Eli definitely was overrated. The biggest thing with him is his completion percentage was always farting around in the 50's - as you noted. In today's football, that is bad. That is inaccurate. Eli would have a tendency of throwing off his back foot. His mechanics blew. To his credit he's raised his game up some and that completion percentage is now in the 60's. Mike Vick's is in the 50's because he is just flat out inaccurate. Eli had awful form, but the talent is there.

One big thing with Eli, in my opinion, is that he just doesn't have the look of a quarterback. He's always sulking, has awful body language, and looks more like a pubey Little League baseball coach who has his striped tube socks up to his knees and his shirt tucked in way too high. He's not exactly someone who instills confidence in me or whom I could see firing up his team.

You mentioned the talent around Eli. I would argue to Eli's credit to look at this season. People questioned his skill position players - particular his receivers. However, Steve Smith, Mario Manningham, and co. are doing a great job and the QB needs to get some credit for that. Takes two to tango.

I would have probably left off the Tyree thing. It makes you sound like a bitter Pats fan again, haha. I don't think anyone chalks that up to why Eli Manning is great.

However, I do agree about the Super Bowl MVP. You HAVE to give that to a Giants defender. I don't care what the stats say; use your effing eyes people. Who won that game for them? Who was most VALUABLE??? For christ's sake they held the 18-0 all time scoring offense to 14 points!! Ray Lewis won an MVP with nothing great for numbers, Richard Dent as well. I'm sick of this QB bull shit. The same could be said for Super Bowl XXXVI & Tom Brady. Ty Law all day IMO (really coulda been a number of Pats defenders but Law wins out with the pick 6).

The way he weaseled his way out of San Diego was beyond gay. Reminds me of a gay horse-toothed QB who weaseled his way out of Baltimore (Colts). None other than John Elway- douche bags.

As for the hall of fame - as I stated in the intro - the jury is still out. See me in 10 years.

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Philip Rivers.... I'm not a huge fan of his but I don't really have much hate for him. I think in my mind he's just not there yet and hasn't crossed the Patriots path in a threatening way. I guess that could be an insult though. Phil Rivers (yes I'm talking to you), I don't take your ass seriously yet.

BUT, yes the San Diego Chargers are a bunch of bitches. Honestly, what have they done to warrant that attitude? They are paper champs. They are told how awesome they are each preseason and they never live up to their expectations. I think that window is slowly closing too. Sure, they'll be very good, but LT was a once in a generation talent. He's crested and now on the back 9 of his career. Hell he's on the back 3. They wasted those years.

According to a Bill Simmons mail-bag I read some time ago, Rivers doesn't even swear either. How is it possible to talk as much crap as he does and not swear? Granted I swear a ton, but even a normal person has to think it's pretty damn hard to get riled up and not bark out a few F bombs.

I think I read his lips last year though when he got into an altercation with former Broncos QB Jay Cutler: "Hey Jay Cutler, you are a stinky qb! You are so bad and when I get out there I will kick your team's gosh darn butts! I will bring this type of performance to you and your team all day. You better believe that you jerk!" ... what a pussy.

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Big Ben.... Ah, Dustin, you aren't going to like me. I actually like Roethlisberger. The guy's a winner. I think some players just have an uncanny ability to make plays when needed. Of course they need to be surrounded by talent but Roethlisberger is, in my opinion, the best of the famed QB Class of 2004. Nonetheless, you wrote an awesome article. I laughed, you made some awesome points, and your hatred of "Ben" came through really well.

A lot of QB's definitely seem to get sucked off by NFL "experts" but the first name "Ben" thing is really lame, I agree on that. It's not even like they use his first name just to mix things up. They *DO* seem all chummy about it. This isn't surprising, though. I'd say a solid 90% of analysts are a complete joke. They are afraid to be critical and hold their homer roots close to the heart. A lot of these shows, NBC I'm looking your way, are just UNWATCHABLE.

Off the top of my head the following athletes are referred to by their first name: Tiger, Kobe, Shaq, Lebron, and Nomar. There are probably more out there too. Each of those guys though has a pretty distinct name. Nothing like Ben. When I think Ben I think of that gay little Michael Jackson song or Ben the talk show host bear from The Simpsons. Also, aside from Nomar the other four athletes are mega super duper all stars. So, shit, could it really be the monosyllabic thing??? Had Todd Marinovich been good would we be listening to Terry Bradshaw giggle about how he caught up with "Todd" and they tickled each other's ball bag on every NFL pregame show?

Roethlisberger does play on a great team. He was drafted to play for the Steelers. I mean shit-fuck that's a blessing, make no mistake. At the same time though he fills that role perfectly. They like to run the ball down people's throat and play solid defense. This is a strategy the Steelers have used since 1907. They have been a perennial contender since Bill Cowher took over in 1992. Look at the QB's he rolled out though: Neil O'Donnell, Mike Tomczak, Kordell Stewart, Tommy Maddox. This team was always just a QB - who could make a few plays per game on his own - away from winning titles. I'm not saying Roethlisberger is an all time great, but he is very good, and he certainly fills this role.

His Super Bowl XL performance was anemic, dreadful, pitiful, woeful, I could hit SHIFT + F7 and put in every other adjective for shitty. However, the man played his tits off in all three ROAD playoff wins to get them there. He also made the greatest tackle I've ever seen by a slow dopey QB vs. the Colts in the divisional round. I also thought he should have been Super Bowl MVP last year against the Cardinals. His ability to scramble and make plays (especially in the final drive) was ABSOLUTELY the difference in that game.

The Fran Tarkenton comparisons are awesome. Tarkenton really was the Grandfather of scrambling. If anyone ever gets the chance to see old footage of him, the shit's impressive. Like you said, he was 0 and 4 in the big game. Before we had the Buffalo Bills and ugly Super Bowl beat downs we had the Minnesota Vikings of the late 60's/early 70's. You credit Roethlisberger being victorious while Tarkenton getting smashed due to: 1. Pitt's D > Minn's D, 2. WR's with horse shoes wedged up their ass, 3. Woeful opposition. I'm not sure I agree with 1. I didn't get to watch the Purple People Eaters but everything on profootballreference indicates they were a top 5 defense in their era. I'm not sure I agree on 2, but I do think that Holmes is WICKED inconsistent as a play maker. He shows flashes like Super Bowl XLIII and he has a ton of clunkers too. However on point 3... you have hit the nail square on the head my friend.

Roethlisberger played the Seahawks in Super Bowl XL and the Cardinals in XLIII. The sad part is the Seahawks were the best the NFC had to offer in 2005. The Steelers were the AFC #6, the Seahawks the NFC #1, yet Pittsburgh was favored by 7. Plain and simply: The NFC was rotten that year. Last season... shit man, I wish I could explain last season. The Cardinals appearance (and near victory) of Super Bowl XLIII was some of the strangest shit I've ever seen. I guess I would say it's a team that showed flashes of being very good, but it's probably one of the three or four worst teams to make it to a Super Bowl.

Whereas the Vikings played and lost to four POWERHOUSES. They lost to the Chiefs in Super Bowl IV, the Dolphins in Super Bowl VIII (year after they were undefeated), the Steelers in Super Bowl IX, and the Raiders in Super Bowl XI. Point being here that if Roethlisberger rolled out a 9-21, 123 yards, 0 TD's-2 INT game against a team like this he'd have a big fat 30 point loss to deal with. On the flip side, had Tarkenton played against these cream puff NFC foes then he undoubtedly would have a handful of rings to boast. Those kinds of things are just flukey.

I would say at this point in time that Roethlisberger is a very good quarterback. Like him or not he does have two rings and his early success parallels Troy Aikman and Tom Brady. Moving forward I guess we'll have to see if he takes the path of Aikman, a very good quarterback but never really the focal point of that team, or if he can grow into a player like Brady who *IS* the identity of perennial Super Bowl contending teams.

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Tom Brady - On to the biggest challenge for me here. Talk some sense into Dan where it needs to happen but not sound like a flag-waving, face-painted homer. Let me first say that I really enjoy talking football with this guy. It's not that he knows the game any more or less than other friends of mine but Dan utterly fucking hates the Patriots with every bone in his body. It's fun to talk to someone who just isn't a 'ya guy, Pats can't do no wrong' fan.

The arcade analogy is pretty solid. Even the biggest Pats fan has to see that Brady really has had a lot of breaks go his way, but let's not forget where he came from. This guy was the 199th selection of the 2000 draft. He was slow, skinny, and uncoordinated. Mel Kiper said he had the worst vertical jump of any QB he's ever seen at the combine. Brady was the 4th string QB in 2000 and people wondered what he was doing wasting a roster spot. Give Brady his due in that the man worked his tits off to bring his game up a level pretty quickly. To start 2001, for instance, he beat out Damon Huard to become the 2nd string guy. Yes he caught a break that Bledsoe was injured, but make no mistake, Tom Brady was going to overtake Bledsoe quickly anyway. Belichick has always hated Bledsoe's game.

Brady did start his career dinking and dunking a lot but why did it take plugging him into the lineup to get this team jump-started? Had Bledsoe played that year I would bet my net worth, that the 2001 Patriots wouldn't have even made the playoffs. I won't say it was Brady's terrific play but he energized this team and guided them to wins. Yes, Dan, basically he was asked not to fuck up and at the time that's all that team needed.

In the AFC Divisional game against the Raiders Brady had a great second half. He marched them up and down the field hitting Patten and Wiggins seemingly every play. Brady was not playing like a 2nd year guy. He then got smoked on a cornerback blitz and was bailed out by the infamous "tuck rule." The tuck rule is a stupid rule. It's not a rule I agree with, but it's a rule. The same play happened in week 2 of that season vs the Jets and the same call was made. It occurred again the next year to Carolina and was called the same. It just happened to be on an enormous stage this time. The refs job is to enforce rules as the committee has drawn them up. If you think the rule sucks huge balls point to those who create them! (btw that happened with under 2 mins to go so Fagichick didn't challenge, but had there been 2:02 left OF COURSE he'd challenge as a last ditch effort!)

As for the system, the Patriots definitely became a pass heavy team with a spread offense starting in 2007. Brady runs it well to say the least. Christ he was 16-0 with 50 TD passes. Those are unprecedented numbers. Your Cassell analogy proves yes it's a QB friendly system but c'mon, the guy threw 21 TD's and went 11-5 with the same offensive team. That's a five win drop. Sure 16-0 to 11-5 doesn't sound bad but how does 11-5 to 6-10 sound? That doesn't even mention that the Patriots (and your Miami Dolphins) had a tit schedule in 2008. They played the NFC Werst (Arizona, Seattle, San Francisco, and St. Louis). They played the AFC West (Denver, Oakland, Kansas City), and of course they played Buffalo twice that year which are basically bye weeks. That's 9 wins right there against teams who finished 51-93 last year. Toss in a split with the Jets & Dolphins and that's not the most impressive 11 wins ever.

Your point is well taken though. It's a system that turns average QB's into good ones, but it turns Stars into Mega Stars.

Not to mention, Brady won his three Super Bowls pre Moss & Welker. Buuuuut, I'm not going to argue that those Super Bowl players were untalented. Nobody came up bigger in big games than Deion Branch & David Givens. They just both followed the money right out of town. They probably both thought the same thing half way into their first season with the Seahawks and Titans respectively: "I love my fat new wallet, my new cars, my new mansions, my new jewelry, and the security for my family, but fuck me.... I miss Tom Brady and I will REALLY miss Tom Brady come January."

You are definitely correct on the roughing the passer. It appears the NFL sat the officials down and told them we need our star QB's healthy. They get higher ratings and sell a better product with their best, most recognized talent out there. Sunday Night Football intro: (Shows millions of clips of Colts - Patriots battles throughout the years. Shows Brady winning playoff games in 2003 & 2004. Shows Manning winning in 2006) "It's Matt Cassell and Peyton Manning, coming up next!!!" Your casual fan flips the channel.

It would take for me to be a complete idiot or a homer caught in denial to not understand the most general reasons for the hatred of the Patriots. Your last paragraph sounds a lot like what I could of written with regards to my hatred of team X. You just find every little gay thing pisses you off to no end.

First off, for any AFC East rival you play twice a year which will always lead to some level of hatred. The next thing, and this is the one that gets the ball rolling... people hate the Patriots due to their success. As a kid I fucking hated the Dallas Cowboys. I was so sick of them winning, I hated their cocky players, the America's Team bull shit, and all their retard fans.

The questions is, would I have hated them if they were 7-9 every year? Of course not! I mean once the hate was established, if they HAPPENED to go 7-9 I'd rejoice, but if they hadn't had success to start with... I wouldn't have given two shits about the Cowboys.

My guess is besides the general AFC East hatred (and that Dan is surrounded by yahoos) the 1993 to 2000 Patriots didn't bother you one bit compared to the 2001 to present version.

Add into the fact that the team definitely is a bunch of robots, Brady does gay things like pose for magazine covers and act all Hollywood, Belichick is a surly dick, the spygate story, and national pundits sucking them off left and right, and I can't legitimately argue any point in your final paragraph.

As for the National Media thing. Let's be real. Patriots fans only recognize when someone sucks off Manning, Roethlisberger, Favre etc. Colts fans only recognize when Brady, Roethlisberger and Favre are given a stroke job and Steelers fans cry to how much everyone loves Manning and Brady. Fact is that we all share a hatred of Favre, and furthermore, all of theses QB's get equal HJ's. As a fan you just hear what you want to hear and then get offended when someone isn't in love with your guy.
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Trent Dilfer: The man will always be known far and wide as the QB who did the least (arguably) to win a Super Bowl. Do we forget just *how* little this guy did? Here are his numbers in the Ravens four playoff wins in 2000:

9-14 130 yards 1 TD
5-16 117 yards
9-18 180 yards 1 TD 1 INT
12-25 153 yards 1 TD

He hardly even threw! He never threw for more than 180 yards, never had 2 TD's and only completed double digit passes 1 time. To his credit though he hardly turned the ball over either.

Roethilsberger: 2005

14-19 208 yards 3 TD's
14-24 197 yards 2 TD's 1 INT
21-29 275 yards 2 TD's 1 Rush TD
9-21 123 yards 0 TD's 2 INT's 1 Rush TD<---- Yes, this one even makes Dilfer blush

2008: 17-26 181 yards 1 TD
16-33 255 yards 1 TD
21-30 256 yards 1 TD 1 INT

Eli Manning: 2007

20-27 185 yards 2 TD's
12-18 163 yards 2 TD's
21-40 251 yards
19-34 255 yards 2 TD's 1 INT

Tom Brady: 2001

32-52 312 yards 0 TD's 1 INT 1 Rush TD
12-18 115 yards
16-27 145 yards 1 TD

2003:

21-41 201 yards 1 TD
22-37 237 yards 1 TD 1 INT
32-48 354 yards 3 TD's 1 INT

2004: 18-27 144 yards 1 TD 1 Rush TD
14-21 207 yards 2 TD's
23-33 236 yards 2 TD's

I haven't even brought up the 2000 Ravens defense either which was a once in a decade team. It was 1985 Bearsian. They had 4 shutouts over the course of the year. They allowed a league low 165 points that year. The 1985 Bears allowed 187. In four playoff games they allowed 23 points. What do the 2001, 2003, 2004 Patriots, 2005, 2008 Steelers, and 2007 Giants defenses all have in common? They couldn't stand in line to hold the plastic box the 2000 Ravens jock was shipped in.

John Elway is a Huge Douche

There is nothing like hating a quarterback. No matter which one you hate, every little thing they do just pisses you off. Any attention they get from the media makes you want to kick puppies; and they never seem to get called out for any shitty or lucky plays either. It's maddening.

I started watching football towards the end of the 1989 season. I was 6 yrs old. I loved reading the standings in the newspaper, I loved watching Sportscenter, I loved playing Tecmo, I loved everything football. There was one thing I hated. I hated that horse toothed, dumb walking, stupid orange ugly-uniform'd piece of crap John Elway. I remember watching his games and, pretty much no matter who he played, rooting for the other team with all I had. I remember the 1989 AFC Championship vs. the Browns and the 1991 Divisional Playoff vs. the Oilers as two games that made me so angry I got a headache from clenching my teeth which often lead to tears. It wasn't the headache that made me cry it was that old ugly prick winning the game.

Point being here is that Quarterbacks are such a pollarizing position that, hell, even a first grader could feel complete and utter hate towards one stupid douche.

So here's what I did: I asked five of my best football-knowledge friends to write about why they hate a given QB. I gave them no structure whatsoever. This could be as long or as short as they desired. It could be filled with vulgarities, statistics, personal attacks - whatever. The assignments were as follows:

Glassman - The Manning Bros.
Ponch Diggity - Philip Rivers
Dustin - Ben Roethlisberger
Reilly & Gumby - Brett Favre
Dan - Tom Brady

The Favre ones are yet to come in but those guys are both super busy so here is what we got so far.

These make for a good read, enjoy...

Peyton Manning - written by Glasssman

"Peyton Manning is the greatest QB to ever play in the NFL".

It's a sentence that only two types of people could possibly utter and not be joking. The first are of course Colts fans. God bless them. The second are people who know as much about football as I do about quantum warp drives. NOTHING.

Now don't get me wrong. Peyton is a good QB. Good, yes. Great? No. There just aren't that many top notch QB's in the league right now - so you have every sports show licking Peytons ball bag and exaggerating everything he does like he just cured aids and stopped world hunger. It's retarded. It makes me hate the guys guts.

And for the love of all that is football, can anyone tell me why every other commercial involves this guy? Apparently someone missed the fact that for every person who likes Manning, there is a person who hates him with every inch of their being. I'd gladly get infected with ebola, cancer, and swine flu if it would guarantee that Peyton Manning would never appear on TV again.

Now you know that I hate the guy but you don't understand why. So, on to my point. If you formed a list of the all time great QB's, Peyton Manning would not be on it. What? I'm biased? Well don't take my word for it. Let's look at some cold hard facts.

If you look at Peyton's playoff numbers alone, you'd think the guy was a bum. 7 wins, 8 losses, and 22 Passing TD's vs. 17 Interceptions. That's a ratio of 1.2/1 for touchdowns to interceptions in the playoffs. And this guy is supposed to be great? You know who else has a ratio of 1.2/1 in the playoffs? Jake Delhomme. Yeah, exactly.

Sure Peyton can beat the crap out of the hapless Titans, Jaguars, and Texans and throw 6 touchdowns everytime. Wow. You're awesome. Then he plays a real defense and gets shut out. No greater example of this can be found than the 2004 season. Yep. The season in which Peyton threw 49 TD's. You know who the Colts played? The almighty Titans, Jaguars, and Texans twice and the Lions, Raiders, and Bears, oh my! What a bunch of crap. Funny how the Colts put up only 3 points against the Patriots in the playoffs that year. Another typical Peyton Manning choke job.

The guy is destined to be that QB who can slaughter a mediocre team and then choke in the playoffs. Sound familiar Dolphins fans? Remember a guy by the name of Marino? Wait?! Surely, Dan Marino is one of the greatest QB's of all time. He just had no running game and no defense right? Hardly. Danny boy had a TD to INT ratio of 1.3/1- 32 TD/24 INT. Are we sounding more familiar now? Manning is just the modern version of Dan Marino. Big players play big in big games. The others just choke their asses off. Marino in the playoffs? 8-10 (44%) to Manning's 7-8 (46%). Nearly identical.

But didn't Manning guide his team to a Super Bowl in 2006?

If by "guide" you mean throw 3 TD's and 7 INT's in the playoffs and have a QB rating of 70.5 then yes I guess he did. The 2006 Colts won in spite of Manning - not because of him. Even then, the Colts only won because a) they played Chicago and b) the Patriots had 0 receivers of any talent.

So what do "Great" QB numbers look like? Just look at Tom Brady and Joe Montana. Their playoff records? 14-3 (82%) and 16-7 (69%) respectively. TD/Int ratio in the playoffs? 25-12 and 45-21 (2.1%) Super Bowl rings? 3 and 4

compared to Manning's and Marino's: Their playoff records? 7-8 (46%) and 8-10 (44%) respectively. TD/Int ratio in the playoffs? 22-17 and 32-24 (1.2%) Super Bowl rings? 1 and 0

Manning's numbers are awful in the playoffs and they eerily resemble Marino's. You cannot argue that. You can reel off regular season stats until you're blue in the face. I don't want to hear it. Super Bowls are won and lost in the playoffs. The NFL playoffs are where real players rise to another level. It's where good players become great and great players become legendary. It's also where seemingly good QB's like Manning get knocked down a few pegs.

Still not convinced? You need another kick in the balls? Ok.

Here's two numbers for you: 18 and 3.

You know what they represent? 18 is the number of pro bowl seasons Peyton Manning's WRs, RBs, and TEs have combined. 3 is the number of pro bowl seasons for Brady's skill guys. That's just disgusting. Not only has Tom Brady far outplayed Manning, but he's done it with considerably less talent.

So you have a guy in Peyton Manning who is literally SURROUNDED by all-pro after all-pro and he still can't make it work? What more does this guy need? What's his excuse? I want to hear it. If Brady had that kind of talent, he'd have 8 Super Bowls right now.

Oh and while we're on the subject, somebody please tell me what Deion Branch, David Givens, Dan Grahm, David Patten, Reche Caldwell, and Jabbar Gaffney have accomplished since leaving New England? I'll give you a hint - it's equal to my knowledge of quantum warp drives. And if you still think Peyton Manning is one of the best to ever play the game then it's equal to your IQ as well.

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Eli Manning - written by Glassman

Few people will argue that Eli Manning is a great QB but I'm going to argue that he's not even good. He's just average. Like his big brother Peyton, Eli is grossly overrated. In fact, I wouldn't have a need to write this article if Eli's last name was Smith, Jones, or some other common last name. It's because his last name is Manning that he even gets mentioned in the same breath as Peyton or any other QB who is above average.

Now because opinions don't count for much, I'm going to stick to facts with Eli just like I did with Peyton. No, not the kind of facts the NFL seems to invent to make the Mannings seem better - like the fact that Peyton has the 2nd most 300 yard passing games to start a season - I'm talking about facts that actually matter. For example, how you perform in the playoffs.

Where Peyton's numbers resembled Marino's in scary fashion, Eli's numbers resemble Michael Vick's. Yes, I'm serious. Let's take a look.

Here are Eli's and Vick's numbers in the playoffs: Completion% - 59% and 57% TDs/Ints - 8/7 and 4/4 (about a 1/1 ratio) Wins/Losses - 4-3 and 2-2 (57% and 50%)

Here are their numbers in the regular season too just for fun: Completion% - 56% and 54% TDs/Ints - 108/76 and 71/52 (1.42/1 and 1.36/1) Wins/Losses - 42-29 and 38-28-1 (59% and 58%)

The scariest part about all of this isn't the unmistakable similarities, it's the fact that Eli has better receivers, tight ends, running backs, and a better defense. Yep. Eli Manning is surrounded by far more talent and yet, like his brother Peyton, has only been able to produce numbers similar to Michael Vicks. Congratulations Eli. Start preparing your hall of fame speech right now.

But doesn't Eli Manning have a Super Bowl ring?

Well, Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson have Super Bowl rings too but I don't see anyone stroking their nuts do I? You know what else Dilfer and Brad have in common with Eli? They had Powerhouse defenses that did all the real work in their Super Bowl victories. Eli, Dilfer, and Brad just managed the game and didn't fuck anything up. Big deal. That makes them great? I could've inserted 17 other QB's into that same role and still won the Super Bowl.

The only reason you hear about Eli is because his last name is "Manning". When the Ravens (Dilfer) and Bucs (Johnson) won the Super Bowl, who got the MVP? Ray Lewis and Dexter Jackson. Defensive guys. When Eli managed his way to a win just like Dilfer and Johnson surely the Giants front of Tuck, Umeniyora, and Strahan would get the MVP right? Wrong. They GAVE it to Eli. It makes me want to puke.

Now Dilfer's numbers were not great when he managed his Super Bowl win but Brad Johnson's look almost identical to Eli Manning's. I swear I did not make these up. Check Pro Football Reference!

Here are Eli's and Brad Johnson's Super Bowl stats: Comp/Att - 19/34 and 18/34 Yards - 255 and 215 TDs - 2 and 2 Ints - 1 and 1

Wait, but didn't Manning have that play to Tyree?

Are you serious? You mean the one where he just threw up a prayer and hoped for the best. Yeah, what a great throw. I could've done that too. That pass reeked of desparation. 99.9% of that play was made by David Tyree. The other 0.01% was the Patriots defense laying an egg.

Moving on, let's not forget one the best parts about Eli Manning. He was drafted by the San Diego Chargers. Oh did you forget that? Or maybe it's just that the NFL "conveniently" forgets to mention it. Eli cried himself to sleep every night until his mother made those mean Chargers trade him to the Giants. What a baby. The sad irony of it is that Phillip Rivers turned out to be a better QB than Eli could ever hope to be. Had the Giants just stuck with him, they might have some more Super Bowl rings.

There is no doubt in my mind that Peyton Manning is going to the hall of fame. With Eli, I have this sick feeling like he'll get in there too just because Peyton did and then the NFL can feed us some sobby bull shit story about brothers who made the hall of fame. What a joke.

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Philip Rivers - written by Ponch Diggity

Philip Rivers is THE definition of a douchebag quarterback. The guy doesn't have an ounce of class. The Chargers could be leading by 75 points, and he'll still find time to talk trash to the other team. Hell, he'll talk dump to the little old lady in the second row.

And surprise, surprise, he's a sore loser too. I'm sure you all remember what ensued after the 2006 Divisional game against the Pats. A bunch of the Pats players ran to the middle of the Chargers logo and did the "lights out" dance. Right on cue, Rivers is gettin' in their face, saying, "Act like you've won a game before!" Did he forget that it was a playoff game, and kiiiind of a big deal?


It's not all Rivers' fault though. It's part of a being a San Diego Charger.

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Ben Roethlisberger - written by Dustin

Roethlisberger: (Noun,Verb) [Pronunciation: /Roth-lis-bur-ger/ Etymology: From the 11th century Germanic word of the same spelling used to describe the female reproductive organ. Usage: "Wow that douchebag at the bar was a total Roethlisberger"]

1. A ridiculously overrated Quarterback in the NFL who inspires the hopelessly destitute proletariat of Pittsburgh, PA to forget their dull factory jobs and cesspool of a city every Sunday afternoon.

2. To sexually assault your maid while staying at a hotel just because you assume every woman wants you and your horrible quarterback rating in two Super Bowl appearances.

3. Dan Dierdorf and John Madden's binky.

4. To assume that ones' overrated status grants one abilities beyond the average person (such as riding extremely powerful motorcycles in city traffic with no possible ill consequence).

That sucking sound you hear coming from the sets of CBS and Fox NFL Sunday is the collective NFL punditry fellating "Big Ben"™ Roethlisberger. Speaking ill of "Big Ben"™ is a cardinal sin as far as the likes of James Brown, Dan Marino, Bill Cowher (surprise), Terry Bradshaw, and Shannon Sharpe (I think…CIA translators have only caught up to what he said week 7 of 2004) are concerned. If these dingbats actually had an ounce of credibility they would come to the obvious conclusion that Roethelsomething is ridiculously overrated. Instead they prance around calling him "Ben" or "Big Ben" ™, lauding his toughness and leadership, waxing poetic about how he's the love child of Sammy Baugh and Bronco Nagurski, and basically acting like they are all best friends who just went to Reno together and sexually assaulted a hotel worker. The first name thing really pisses me off, I mean is it just because it's monosyllabic? Every time Dierdorf says "there is an incomplete pass by Ben" I want to punch him in his also ridiculously overrated hall of fame face.

Sorry I digress, the real crux of the issue here is that "Ben" just isn't that good. I get it Steeler fans the "buuuut he's got twooo rings!" argument is cute; to wit, Jim Plunkett has two and he's also an overrated douche. Somewhere out in the frozen woods of Minnesota Fran Tarkenton must be burning number seven jerseys in effigy. If Tarkenton had a Troy Polamalu led defense (no offense to the purple people eaters) and receivers who had horseshoes up their asses like Santonio Holmes, he would have won a handful of Super Bowls. Not to mention the fact that Tarkenton never got to square up against two woefully inferior football teams led by quarterbacks who made the captain of the Titanic look like a smooth operator. 9-21 for 123 yards (lowest SB winning QB rating ever…yep even worse than Trent Dilfer) in Super Bowl XL and 21-30 for 256 (Nice improvement "Ben"!) in Super Bowl XLIII does not a top ten ever quarterback make. The point is that in both Super Bowls a retarded monkey on acid could have led the Steelers to victory…Thanks defense! Fran Tarkenton with similar playoff numbers (not good I'll admit) is considered a huge goat and doesn't get the honor of being called "Fran" by Dan Dierdorf.

The other thing that makes me wish "Big Ben" ™ hadn't been wearing a helmet in that motorcycle accident…oh wait…is this whole "he takes good sacks!" bullshit. He basically runs around like a Neanderthal when he could throw the ball away, then he either forces it and is intercepted or gets hit. He's like Bledsoe trying to be Michael Vick (pre-pitbulls). Plus he looks about as graceful as Frankenstein's monster. Somewhere out there Tarkenton (who did for scrambling what Michelangelo did for the Cistine Chapel) is pissed. Sure every once in a while the blind squirrel finds a nut (see: Santonio Holmes) and Dierdorf goes into ecstasy, but for the most part he just hurts his team. This goes hand in hand with his perceived "Toughness"™. If you have to basically leak the information that you played with a broken rib or a 102 fever after the fact you won a game you are not tough, you are a complete douchebag. Today after I teach my class I'm going to walk into the principals office and tell him that I taught the whole thing with a migraine then watch his face enter "I don't give a shit you pussy" territory.

In the end this all comes down to perception and reality. The NFL pundits and Steeler fans will go gaga over his awful scrambling, 23 interception a year, and padding his stats with YAC. They will splooge themselves every time he throws across his body and for some reason the football gods choose not to punish such a technically unsound throw. They will shout with glee about how "he takes good sacks!", plays with "toughness"™ through injuries he makes up two days later, and how "he's a winner…just look at the two rings his ridiculously good defense and inept opponents won him". In the end they don't care that he has the worst QB rating for a Super Bowl winning quarterback in history because he "makes plays". He's their binky, he's their buddy, and they can call him "Ben"…just don't call him one of the greats, give me Fran Tarkenton any day.

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Tom Brady - written by Dan

So why do I hate Tom Brady? Well let me answer your question with a question. Why does any guy hate their lying ex girlfriend? Because THEY ARE A BITCH. You'd be hard-pressed to find a "bitchier" quarterback (save Ryan Leaf) then Tom "Terrific". Now I don't mean bitch in the sense that he cries in interviews like Terrell Owens, because let's face it he's just another Belichick robot there. Saying one of two things "Well they made more plays than us, got to make more plays." OR "I thought we executed well tonight, the guys did a nice job making enough plays for us to win." What I mean he's just a bitch that put a dollar into the machine at the arcade and got 50 dollars worth of tokens. Don't understand the analogy? read on.

Let's start in 01, when he first comes in to replace Bledsoe. Make no mistake about it that defense was crazy. It was the same defense essentially that we've seen in New England up until this year. Translation, the geezers we've seen in Pats uniforms for the better part of a decade on the defensive side of the ball were IN THEIR PRIME. The Pats, as any team would do that year changed their offense a little to cater to a backup quarterback "getting his feet wet" so to speak. The offense featured a dink and dunk style of play, it worked with some success. Tom Brady was asked simply not to lose games, and be carried ALA Jay Fiedler by his defense. He did this job fairly well UNTIL the AFC Divisional Playoffs of course. When he did what all backup quarterbacks are not supposed to do, he had a key turnover on a fumble with the game on the line. Or DID HE? After watching my dad throw off his Pats Jersey in disgust thinking the game was surely over, despite a desperation challenge by Fagichick. The refs came back and introduced us to a rule that we've never heard of, the TUCK RULE. Which apparently states, if a QB pump fakes and then fumbles, it is incomplete. I picked up my dads jersey and handed it to him, not knowing that this would be the start of a dynasty, that would center my hatred around one wide-eyed kid wearing # 12. Who had clearly just blown a game, had it not been for one ambitious ref. You know the story from here Vinateri in the snow against Oakland, they beat STL win 3 superbowls out of 4, whoo hoo Go Pats Bro! The year after the tuck rule was made official and explained further, so now fumbles can be considered incomplete passes for quarterbacks who pump fake alot... or at least quarterbacks named Brady. The guy has won 3 superbowls on the back of a solid system and great defense, and people are ready to call him the best ever.. by people I mean compeltely biased Pats/Red Sox/Bruins "YAAAAH GUY" sports Fans.

Speaking of the system, let's talk about it. It is a spread offense, that admittingly Brady runs very very well. However, with weapons that he boasted in the season every "Tommy O'Brien" Pats Fan you know talks about 2007. How could he not run it well? Welker over the middle, a rejuvinated Moss up top, a pre-criminal Donte Stallworth. Brady Quinn could have quarterbacked that team, and I mean that in the meanest way possible. Don't believe me "bro" enter 2008. Brady goes down in the first quarter of the first game. Who replaces him? A kid who has not started a football game since High School. He preceeds to lead NE to an 11-5 record on this system, putting up pro-bowl numbers. Is it because Matt Cassell spoke to the god of football talent? Of course not! It's a good system, WR Screens, quick routes, draw plays GREAT FUCKING PLAYERS. As a result Cassell gets a fat check in KC, and we've all seen how well that has gone. Who would have known that a St. Louis defensive back who once uttered "Tom Brady.. overrated" would have been absolutely correct! Are we starting to get the analogy with the tokens yet?

Speaking of 2008, we have already touched on the special treatment the "tuck rule" game brought about. Let's talk about the injury suffered at the hands of Bernard Pollard. So Brady went down, big fucking deal. The world didn't end, the sun came up the next day, and as I mentioned NE behind a QB who held a clipboard for the last 8 some odd years led the team to 11 wins. Brady rehabbed and he was scheduled to come back this year, couldn't that have been enough? OF COURSE NOT! "It's Tom Brady GUY, we need JUSTICE, on those cocksuckaahs that busted his knee BRO!" Well I'm not sure about justice, but the injury led to several new additions to the roughing the passer call. Additions that are already ruining football. In just 4 weeks of this young season in several games, we have seen the pussiest roughing the passer calls known to man. Do people realize that guys use to play this game with no helmets? Now it is essentially illegal for a Defensive End to give a Quarterback a pat on the head for a job well done after he throws, without a flag flying. So not only is Tom Brady overrated, not only does he get a ridiculous amount of breaks, but now he is considered so "sacred" that the second he goes down, there are new rules that turn the NFL into powder puff football. Shit even powder puff football girls, are calling him a pussy.

Finally, let's just talk about some of the other quick reasons I hate New Englands golden boy. First of all, it makes me want to puke when I see him on the field trying to get pumped up. Headbutting all his teammates like he was sneaking little pecks on all their noses. I'm sure I'm not the only one that is just waiting for the day that he "Gus Ferrotes" himself on one of his linemans gigantic heads, and knocks himself out cold. Although if that happened, there would be a 15 yard penalty for teams trying to get pumped up before games. Another thing I hate, is that stupid "OH SHIT the snap went over my head" motion he does when they run direct snaps to the running back. Nobody thinks the snap went over your head you fucking douchebag, you might as well say the snap is going to the running back, because the same result will happen. It's annoying to have to hear Pats Fans after such plays go, "did you see Brady fake that, was a huge reason that play worked bro." Point being the guy gets credit for things he doesnt even have a part in. I once heard a Pats Fan say last year that Cassell is doing so well because of Brady's "leadaship." To which I almost spit out my beer on. I bet those guys are like "I just mastabated bro, thank god Tom Brady was here on my computah screen to help!" I mean seriously "leadership" are you fucking kidding? The dude was nowhere to be found with his now wife Giselle. Come on he's Tom Brady he doesn't have to support his team if he's not playing. He's got things to do like marry Giselle and "raise" his child out of wedlock. (Which by the way nobody seems to care about, but Travis Henry makes one mistake..or 20.. and he's the worst person in the world.) Or how about the arrogance, prime example.. Superbowl Media Day for the game against the Giants (great game by the way wasn't it?) Brady was told of Plaxico Burress' prediction of 20-17 Giants. Brady gave an "are you fucking serious" look and then retorted "we're only going to score 17 points, is Plax playing defense." The game as you know finished 17-14 Giants. Plax didn't play defense. Brady was awful, and on his back more than Bill Belichicks mistresses. One thing you'll notice I did not mention was spygate, I put that more on the hooded one then on Brady (there you go Tom, one more break for you.. like you need it.)

To conclude, the next time you hear a Pats Fan who wants to tell you that Tom Brady is the best QB of all time. Ask him why? He will of course say the superbowls, then remind him that Trent Dilfer has a superbowl ring. Whether Pats fans accept it or not, Dilfer and Brady got their rings the same way. It is the little word that they say "wins championships" defense. Not saying Tom didn't play his part in a QB friendly system, because he did behind the best offensive line in the league at the time. Anytime this guy faces pressure though, 2009 Jets, 2007 Giants, Any year Dolphins (had to sneak that in) The guy has some of the worst performances ever seen, and sometimes even tries to throw passes from his ass that get intercepted (last one.) The point is Tom Brady is a good quarterback (I know I took the scenic route to that statement,) but the guy is certainly not worthy of the verbal blow jobs he gets week in and week out. It still remains to be seen how good he will be post-injury, it is clear he is not as "Shaaap" as he once was. Despite his skill though, I hate him to the very core of his existence. The question I leave you all with, having said that is.. why Steve McNair? Why not Tom Brady?... Too soon?