Monday, December 28, 2009

Indianapolis is German for a Whale's Vagina

Apologies to my three loyal readers for having written naaaaaathan lately. It's a combination of writer's block, laziness, and frankly nothing too interesting to discuss.

Thank you, Indianapolis.

Wow is all I have to say, wow. What a bunch of, for lack of a better word, pussies. I can't follow nor agree with their decision to pull starters and hand over their perfect season for billions of reasons.

My gahd, where do I start? Hmmm... we'll start with recent history of getting on a roll before the playoffs.

I already wrote a blog early about getting hot at the end of the year. I believe the blog was titled that the beginning of the season (the first 3 quarters of it) means diiiiiiiiick. You win games to put yourself into position but you NEEEEED to get rolling this time of year to carry it into the playoffs. The 2005 Steelers, the 2006 Colts, the 2007 Giants, the 2008 Cardinals (albeit runners up)... all HOT at the end of the year. The 2005 Colts, the 2006 Bears, the 2007 Patriots, the 2008 Titans... they were all phenomenal three quarters through the season but they didn't play their best ball down the stretch. Let's be honest, when you get into the playoffs you can throw that regular season record out the window. So without even mentioning the 19-0 possibilities let's acknowledge that resting up and getting rusty before the playoffs is duuuuuumb. Right now I'm not even looking at records. The Colts are choosing to become rusty, the Saints are stumbling, as are the Vikings. I'm willing to wager none of these three teams reaches the Super Bowl. Give me the hot team like Dallas, Philadelphia, San Diego, or New England any day.

I will put my stamped seal of approval guarantee that the Colts come out flat in that divisional round playoff game. If that game is versus New England then look out. I don't like the Pats much this year to win it all necessarily but they could absolutely come into Indy and punch them in the throat a few times. The Patriots have one great upset win in them.

If Indy lucks out, and gets Cincy or some lucky #6 seed (outside of Pittsburgh) in the first round, then they'll clunk their way to an ugly 10 point win. Then they'll host San Diego (who the Pats can't beat) and get stomped by 17 points. Something like 41-24.

Now I like San Diego more than Indianapolis anyway in terms of this match up, but additionally just look how these two teams are trending. San Diego has been beating down great teams while the Colts feel that a 4 week bye is the best approach. Let's remember they were sitting people last week against Jacksonville, this week versus the Jets, and then I'm assuming next week against Buffalo. It's just a stupid bass ackwards approach.

The 2005 Colts should be clear enough evidence of how much this doesn't work, but hey, I effin hate the Colts so I'll be happy to see Manning's 7th career first playoff game loss (to Brady's zero).

On to my second point; this "injury risk" bull shit. To Bill Polian, Jim Caldwell, Anorexic Tony Dungy, and any other gay Colts fan... the ONLY ONLY ONLY ONLY injury that could hurt your team is to lose Manning. That's it. There is a caveat however, Peyton Manning has never missed a game in his entire career!!!!!!! He has only been sacked 10 times all year!!!! He wasn't hit once all game!!!!!! Has Peyton Manning ever even seem shooken up from a hit in his career? Maybe like 5+ years ago but definitely not any time recently. You are more likely to have had Rosie O'Donnell interrupt the flow of Sunday's game by streaking across the field at the 2:00 warning causing mass pukeage, than for Manning to have been injured. You just can't make the argument that you were saving Peyton Manning for health reasons... it's a load of shit and if they thought he was at any risk then they are simply stupid. He is at risk at any juncture of the game. Why even start the game then?

Now how can sitting these players and giving this game away possibly be looked back upon as a wise move? If you go on to win the Super Bowl at 18-1 people won't say, "wow, Christ, good thing Caldwell pulled starters in the 3rd quarter vs. the Jets." They will instead say, "great season but man they could have been 19-0."

A team wins the Super Bowl every year and to some degree those teams go down in history, but how often do you talk about the 2002 Bucs? The 1991 Redskins? The 1981 49ers? The 1973 Dolphins? The 1970 Colts?

Answers: Never, never, rarely, sometimes, and never.

How often do we hear about the 1972 Dolphins? I would guess somewhere between 200,000 and 300,000 times per year.

Peyton Manning has won many MVP's. He has won a Super Bowl. He will break every passing record by the time he is done - even if Favre keeps trying to hold him off. Being pulled Sunday though HURT Peyton Manning. This man is no fool he knows that immortality comes with 19-0. He is an all time great no matter what but finishing undefeated would put him in another category.

Here's another point to be made to the gay ass Colts. Your ARCH-RIVAL, other great team of the decade New England Patriots just tried and failed to go 19-0 just two years ago. Why not one up them and stick it to them? Where is the killer instinct? Man so many unanswered questions.

All of this blabbering and I haven't even touched upon how the fans were utterly cheated. Fans in Indianapolis could have been bouncing their grandchildren on their knee 50 years from now talking about the 19-0 Colts. Instead they will talk about how either they won a Super Bowl at 18-1 that should have been 19-0, or that the team was rolling but lost all its momentum once their wuss coach pulled players.

Or how about fans of the Texans, Broncos, Ravens, or Steelers? Gee, thanks for handing the Jets a win on a silver platter.

Hey I won't argue that I hope the Jets make it and are matched up agains the Patriots in round 1!!

The Colts organization has done so many things right in the past 10 years. They were a laughingstock when I was growing up and to imagine them winning more games in a decade than any team ever is amazing. They have drafted well, held onto core players, and built a team with strong leaders who are always in a game. They have a great crowd and home field advantage. I can't help but think though that this letting off the accelerator mentality that comes from Bill Polian, Tony Dungy, and now Jim Caldwell has cost this team one or two more Super Bowls in this decade.

I'd be willing to bet it costs (not helps) them again... let alone a shot at immortality.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The 3 quarter poll

Just a measely four weeks ago I had a midway point blog... Let's see how some of my forecasts did. Italics is from my prior blog. Bold is my thoughts now.

Halfway point of the year... shit is going by wicked fast. Fortunately though we now got Thursday night games basically from here on out (Each of these matchups has fucking sucked. Hey NFL Network pull your weight a li'l more and get us a good game).

As I predicted in my first blog... the Jets are heading towards an 8-8 finish at best. (boo ya!)

Although their record may not indicate it by the end of the year (and probably won't - Actually it will ), Miami is easily the second best team in the AFC East.

The Saints and Colts are undefeated but I don't expect to see either in the Super Bowl... however of those two teams the Saints have a much better chance due to the fact that the NFC isn't as strong... (this could be wishful thinking now with the Colts... the Steelers and Pats are falling apart. San Diego, you're our last hope!)

Brett Favre will fizzle out - let's all calm down. (Could Sunday nights game be the beginning of the end of this Brett Favre honeymoon session? Let's hope!)

Even if Brett Favre doesn't fizzle out he will def throw a crippling INT in the playoffs... it's his M.O. (I'd bet the farm on this happening)

Denver will finish 10-6 or 11-5... their hot start will be enough to get them a wild card berth where they'll be waxed in the first round... San Diego will win that division. (looking good but not exactly a ballsy prediction. SD always starts out slowly)

The Bengals will be the other AFC wild card team... I do think they are for real but Pittsburgh will take the division by a game. (Welllllpppp, swing and a miss! The Steelers rely on Polamalu like the Colts do Manning. No, really....)

The NFC West should be sent on a space ship to the sun... what a brutal division to watch. (Hmmm I'm willing to reel that ship back in... I do like watching Zona and San Fran)

The first team on the outside looking in at the playoffs come year end in the AFC will be the Texans. (Texans shat the bed a lot quicker than I anticipated. Jacksonville is the last team looking in at the end of the year)

The closest team in the NFC will be the Eagles... Is there anyone more Jekyll and Hyde than Donovan McNabb??? (Eff me this is gonna be the Cowboys... we'll read more about them further down, ughhhhh I suck at predicting)

The Patriots will beat either the Colts or Saints but I'm just not sure which one yet... I'd guess the Saints but they won't beat both of them. While we are here, the Patriots will probably finish 12-4 but not earn a bye on account of a shittier conference record which keeps biting them in the balls each year. (Two fat L's!!!! I was off in my predictions too cuz the Pats got their taints obliterated by the Saints but had the Colts on the ropes. The Pats will finish 10-6 but this will get them into the playoffs as the #4 seed)

Here are my predictions which will be wicked wrong:1. Colts 2. Steelers 3. Patriots 4. Chargers 5. Bengals 6. Broncos (Well at least I admitted that I'd suck, which I did. It will be 1. Colts 2. Chargers 3. Bengals 4. Patriots 5. Broncos 6. Dolphins)

AFC Team in Super Bowl: Steelers (Yowzers, I gave them the kiss of death. The Steelers flat out need Polamalu. Bruce Gradkowski won't toss 3 Td's in the 4th vs that long haired beast. The Chargers are Super Bowl bound this year)

1. Saints 2. Cowboys 3. Vikings 4. Cardinals 5. Falcons 6. Giants (This isn't too good either... what was I on??? 1. Saints 2. Vikings 3. Cardinals 4. Eagles 5. Packers 6. Giants)

NFC Team in Super Bowl: Cowboys (Who predicts two teams in the super bowl at the halfway point where neither will make the playoffs??? Eeeesh. Cowboys are heading for their patented December bed-shitting. Wade Phillips and Tony Romo are just a pair of losers. Saints will be playing for the Super Bowl as an 18-0 powerhouse.)

Super Bowl Champion: Steelers (Don't need to re-hash why I suck... Chargers knock off the Saints in a big upset. This goes down as the Brees bowl with his former team against his current one)

Good lorrrrrrrrrrrrrrddddddddd the only thing we know in the NFL is that we don't know much!